RAW 4/5/2010
-SHEAMUS VS THE BELLA TWINS: Once again, Shaemus is completely dominated the entire match, as the Bellas walk all over him until they make him submit to a Double Single Leg Crab. 1/4*
-MARK HENRY AND MVP vs SHOMIZ: A back and forth tag match with Show carrying most of the weight for his team. Finish would come as MVP would miss a Shining Black and get caught by Miz' Skull Crushing Finale when Glen Jacobs jumped the barricade, giving both Miz and MVP a double chokeslam. He would also deliver big boots to Mark Henry and Big Show, clearing the ring. *3/4
-Glen Jacobs then got a microphone.
Glen: "For those of you who are unaware, I am your WWE Champion. However, as a last request of Shawn Micheals I am no longer officially in the WWE. Shawn, when I attacked you, it was nothing personal. I was out to make a statement to the rest of the WWE that I am not to be forgotten, not a has been, not to be ignored. But when you fired me, Shawn, you made it personal. Therefore as WWE champion, I DEMAND to be given a match with Shawn Micheals at Extreme Rules. And I will continue to wreak havoc each and every night the WWE has a show until I get my wish."
Commercial Break
-JIM DUGGAN VS RIC FLAIR: This match was made at the request of Guest Host Iron Sheik. Exactly what you'd expect with Flair and Duggan doing little more than brawl, until Iron Sheik runs down the ramp and hits Jim Duggan with a Persian Club, announces it's a no DQ match, and Ric Flair gets the pin. *
-After the match Iron Sheik got on the mic.
Iron Sheik: "I have announcement as host of WWF Raw. First of all. Congratulation to new ECW champion... Mike Knots. And now, second announcement. At Extreme Rule, we have War Games Match. Team Flair versus Team Hart. First member of team Hart, Jim Duggan. First member of team Flair, Iron Sheik! Jim Duggan, Bret Hart, at Extreme Rule, we make you humble! IRAN! IRAN NUMBER VUN! AMERICA HACK PUH! And now second announcement. Next Guest Host of RAW: Iron Sheik! Yes that is being true! In fact, Iron Sheik for all April, Guest Host of WWF Raw! IRAN NUMBER VUN! And also, tonight main event, Yawn Cena versus Goldydust."
-It was 9:42 when a gold limo with the license plate "BIZAR1" rolled up to the arena. The door opened to reveal Goldust, wearing only black tights with the rest of his body covered in gold body paint. His theme started to play...
-And at 9:48 Goldust would go through the doors of the building, walking the corridors...
-Two commercial breaks later, at 10:12, he'd still be making his way to the ring...
-At 10:25, he stopped to take a phone call, and would be interested in switching to Comcast.
-The phone call ended at 10:50 when he continued to make his way to the ring...
-At 10:58 on his way to ringside he would stop to shake hands with Jim Carrey
-And at 10:59... GOLDUST VS JOHN CENA: The two chain wrestled for about thirty seconds, then Goldust kicked Cena in the midsection, stuffed Cena's head into his tights and gave him a piledriver Cole called "The Golden Globes". One, two, three. Afterwards John Cena would stagger out of the ring, and run backstage in a frenzy as Goldust again asked "WHO'S...." deep breath, feeling himself up.... "NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXT!" **1/4
Overall Show: 66%
High Point: Goldust switches to Comcast 82%
Low Point: Iron Sheik's speech 51%
Ratings: 6.78
Attendance: 8018
Ticket Sales $320720
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
4/2/2010 Smackdown
4/2/2010 Edition of Smackdown
-Once again we start with the main eventers shilling. Today's product: John Cena's newest CD, a co-production with Randy Savage called "Be a Mantaur". Sure to sell in the dozens!
-Edge would be in the ring next, berating Vickie Guerrero for interfering his match with Chris Jericho, saying he plans to spear a pig in the very near future.
-Vladimir Koslov vs. Rey Mysterio: Despite losing his mask at Wrestlemania, Rey Mysterio was wearing it again in this match, and no mention of the Wrestlemania match was made. Typical Rey vs Big Guy match with the 619 leading to a springboard splash for a three count. After the match CM Punk ran in, then for no apparent reason picked up Koslov and hit him with Go 2 Sleep. *1/4
-Afterwards, Punk kicks Mysterio in the gut and then puts him in Go 2 Sleep, but Rey Mysterio immediately gets back up from it. Punk immediately flips out and leaves the ring.
-Bret Hart is seen entering the arena.
-WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Batista vs Drew McIntyre (c): Batista entered the ring dribbling a basketball for no apparent reason. Batista got most of the offense in the match with Drew only occasionally getting a move in. While the referee is down, Mike Knox hits Drew McIntyre with a chair. Batista hits the bomb and pins Drew, we have a new ch- wait, no, a second referee reverses the decision and calls it a DQ! Batista snaps and bombs Mike Knox. *1/2
-Cryme Tyme is with a handful of children.
JTG: "Listen kids, we stole Max' Kansas City. To get it back, you're going to have to answer questions about geography. Okay?"
Kid 1: "Why?"
Shad: "GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!"
JTG: "First question, where IS Max' Kansas City?"
Kid 2: "Why are you asking us? YOU stole it!"
JTG: "But you have to know where we stole it from to get it from us."
Kid 1: "That doesn't make any sense. Plus, how did you even steal a building?"
JTG: "...Forklifts. Anyways, kids, come on, this is our community service. You don't want us to go to jail do you?"
Kid 3: "Yes we do"
JTG facepalms as this pointless segment ends.
-After a commercial break, we see CM Punk laid out backstage, with EMTs picking him up and putting him on a stretcher.
-WWE Unified Tag Team Titles: Brian Daniel-san and Kung Fu Naki vs ShoMiz(c)
ShoMiz are said to have specifically made this challenge. Show and Miz completely dominate Funaki the entire match, then, Funaki tags in Daniel-san, then Daniel-san hits Show with the Russian Leg Sweep. One, two, three. Kung Fu Naki and Daniel-san celebrate by doing crane poses, then a pair of unknowns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin) rush in from the ramp and attack them. Miz gets on the mic and says he asked Vince McMahon if he and Show could bring in two new rookies to NXT and Vince McMahon allowed it, and introduces them as Alex and Josh Martin. *3/4
-Bret Hart is still walking backstage, when out of a broom closet comes Ric Flair! Ric clubs him from behind with a lead pipe, then mounts and punches him until officials break it up. Flair then gives a "WHOOO!" before being dragged away.
-WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Triple H vs Chris Jericho(c): Absolutely no explanation was given as to why this match was taking place, but it was a very good match, with Jericho and Triple H giving a PPV-worthy performance for 30 minuites. Then, Edge would rush into the ring and spear Triple H, turn around and spearing Jericho too. Triple H would get up and, despite being cost the heavyweight title, would help Edge beat up Jericho., ****1/4
Overall Show: 80%
High Spot: Ric Flair attacks Bret Hart 98%
Low Point: Drew McIntyre vs Batista 66%
Rating: 4.98
Attendance: 8003
Tickets: $320120
-Once again we start with the main eventers shilling. Today's product: John Cena's newest CD, a co-production with Randy Savage called "Be a Mantaur". Sure to sell in the dozens!
-Edge would be in the ring next, berating Vickie Guerrero for interfering his match with Chris Jericho, saying he plans to spear a pig in the very near future.
-Vladimir Koslov vs. Rey Mysterio: Despite losing his mask at Wrestlemania, Rey Mysterio was wearing it again in this match, and no mention of the Wrestlemania match was made. Typical Rey vs Big Guy match with the 619 leading to a springboard splash for a three count. After the match CM Punk ran in, then for no apparent reason picked up Koslov and hit him with Go 2 Sleep. *1/4
-Afterwards, Punk kicks Mysterio in the gut and then puts him in Go 2 Sleep, but Rey Mysterio immediately gets back up from it. Punk immediately flips out and leaves the ring.
-Bret Hart is seen entering the arena.
-WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Batista vs Drew McIntyre (c): Batista entered the ring dribbling a basketball for no apparent reason. Batista got most of the offense in the match with Drew only occasionally getting a move in. While the referee is down, Mike Knox hits Drew McIntyre with a chair. Batista hits the bomb and pins Drew, we have a new ch- wait, no, a second referee reverses the decision and calls it a DQ! Batista snaps and bombs Mike Knox. *1/2
-Cryme Tyme is with a handful of children.
JTG: "Listen kids, we stole Max' Kansas City. To get it back, you're going to have to answer questions about geography. Okay?"
Kid 1: "Why?"
Shad: "GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!"
JTG: "First question, where IS Max' Kansas City?"
Kid 2: "Why are you asking us? YOU stole it!"
JTG: "But you have to know where we stole it from to get it from us."
Kid 1: "That doesn't make any sense. Plus, how did you even steal a building?"
JTG: "...Forklifts. Anyways, kids, come on, this is our community service. You don't want us to go to jail do you?"
Kid 3: "Yes we do"
JTG facepalms as this pointless segment ends.
-After a commercial break, we see CM Punk laid out backstage, with EMTs picking him up and putting him on a stretcher.
-WWE Unified Tag Team Titles: Brian Daniel-san and Kung Fu Naki vs ShoMiz(c)
ShoMiz are said to have specifically made this challenge. Show and Miz completely dominate Funaki the entire match, then, Funaki tags in Daniel-san, then Daniel-san hits Show with the Russian Leg Sweep. One, two, three. Kung Fu Naki and Daniel-san celebrate by doing crane poses, then a pair of unknowns (Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin) rush in from the ramp and attack them. Miz gets on the mic and says he asked Vince McMahon if he and Show could bring in two new rookies to NXT and Vince McMahon allowed it, and introduces them as Alex and Josh Martin. *3/4
-Bret Hart is still walking backstage, when out of a broom closet comes Ric Flair! Ric clubs him from behind with a lead pipe, then mounts and punches him until officials break it up. Flair then gives a "WHOOO!" before being dragged away.
-WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Triple H vs Chris Jericho(c): Absolutely no explanation was given as to why this match was taking place, but it was a very good match, with Jericho and Triple H giving a PPV-worthy performance for 30 minuites. Then, Edge would rush into the ring and spear Triple H, turn around and spearing Jericho too. Triple H would get up and, despite being cost the heavyweight title, would help Edge beat up Jericho., ****1/4
Overall Show: 80%
High Spot: Ric Flair attacks Bret Hart 98%
Low Point: Drew McIntyre vs Batista 66%
Rating: 4.98
Attendance: 8003
Tickets: $320120
Monday, March 29, 2010
4/1/2010 Superstars
4/1/2010 Superstars
-Once again the main eventers were shilling their merch. CM Punk was shilling his new DVD: How to be Straight Edge by CM Punk. A 90 minuite instructional video showing how to live a pure and sober lifestyle, including handy steps such as "Do a sloppy version of a top puro star's finisher", "Listen to craptastic emo music like AFI" and "Put an X on everything you own with magic marker, including your pets"
-STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY VS HART DYNASTY (mixed 6-person tag)
The SES came out wearing Rey Mysterio masks with an X on the foreheads. Natalya Neidhart, for no apparent reason, responded by wearing an LA Park hood, and doing the LA Park Shuffle before the match. A typical WWE-style mixed tag that ended when the referee suddenly forgot the men vs men women vs women only rule and CM Punk tagged in while Natalya was in the Tree of Woe, baseball slide kicked into her and hit Go 2 Sleep for a three count. *3/4
-SHEAMUS VS HORNSWOGGLE
The entire match: Hornswoggle does a dropkick to Sheamus' leg, making him flip onto his back. Hornswoggle then hit the Tadpole Splash for a three count. 3/4*
Commercial break. Next RAW Guest Host: THE IRON SHEIK!
-NON TITLE CHAMPION VS CHAMPION: Chris Jericho vs John Cena
Back and forth battle with Jericho carrying Cena. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment and went for the STF, but Jericho put his boot on Cena to shove him off, hit him with a Codebreaker, went for the Walls but Cena escaped that too. Cena then put Jericho in another Attitude Adjustment, but Kane jumped the barricade, wearing street clothes and carrying his MITB breifcase. He clubbed Cena in the back of the head with it, then grabbed Jericho and chokeslammed him. He then grabbed Cena and chokeslammed him too before getting a mic. **3/4
-He tells everyone that while he is no longer under WWE contract, he still has his guaranteed title shot. He also adds that he is no longer to be called Kane, as that was "my WWE name", but to refer to him by his real name, Glen Jacobs. He looked to Jericho, mounted him then went to hand his breifcase over... then yelled "APRIL FOOL" and mounted Cena before giving the breifcase to an official.
-WWE TITLE MATCH: GLEN JACOBS VS JOHN CENA(c)
Glen was already on top of Cena, and the ref counted one two three. ***
Overall Show: 78%
High Spot: Cena vs Jericho (88%)
Low Spot: Sheamus vs Hornswoggle (68%)
Rating: 2.82
Attendance: 7540
Ticket Sales: $301600
-Once again the main eventers were shilling their merch. CM Punk was shilling his new DVD: How to be Straight Edge by CM Punk. A 90 minuite instructional video showing how to live a pure and sober lifestyle, including handy steps such as "Do a sloppy version of a top puro star's finisher", "Listen to craptastic emo music like AFI" and "Put an X on everything you own with magic marker, including your pets"
-STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY VS HART DYNASTY (mixed 6-person tag)
The SES came out wearing Rey Mysterio masks with an X on the foreheads. Natalya Neidhart, for no apparent reason, responded by wearing an LA Park hood, and doing the LA Park Shuffle before the match. A typical WWE-style mixed tag that ended when the referee suddenly forgot the men vs men women vs women only rule and CM Punk tagged in while Natalya was in the Tree of Woe, baseball slide kicked into her and hit Go 2 Sleep for a three count. *3/4
-SHEAMUS VS HORNSWOGGLE
The entire match: Hornswoggle does a dropkick to Sheamus' leg, making him flip onto his back. Hornswoggle then hit the Tadpole Splash for a three count. 3/4*
Commercial break. Next RAW Guest Host: THE IRON SHEIK!
-NON TITLE CHAMPION VS CHAMPION: Chris Jericho vs John Cena
Back and forth battle with Jericho carrying Cena. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment and went for the STF, but Jericho put his boot on Cena to shove him off, hit him with a Codebreaker, went for the Walls but Cena escaped that too. Cena then put Jericho in another Attitude Adjustment, but Kane jumped the barricade, wearing street clothes and carrying his MITB breifcase. He clubbed Cena in the back of the head with it, then grabbed Jericho and chokeslammed him. He then grabbed Cena and chokeslammed him too before getting a mic. **3/4
-He tells everyone that while he is no longer under WWE contract, he still has his guaranteed title shot. He also adds that he is no longer to be called Kane, as that was "my WWE name", but to refer to him by his real name, Glen Jacobs. He looked to Jericho, mounted him then went to hand his breifcase over... then yelled "APRIL FOOL" and mounted Cena before giving the breifcase to an official.
-WWE TITLE MATCH: GLEN JACOBS VS JOHN CENA(c)
Glen was already on top of Cena, and the ref counted one two three. ***
Overall Show: 78%
High Spot: Cena vs Jericho (88%)
Low Spot: Sheamus vs Hornswoggle (68%)
Rating: 2.82
Attendance: 7540
Ticket Sales: $301600
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
3/30/10 NXT
-The show started once again with a WWEshop shill ad, featuring Triple H's newest merch, the official Triple H LCD Handheld Game! This toy hasn't been cool in 14 years, but now it's back with a VENGEANCE! Enjoy the two-frame animations and sub-MIDI sound quality! Only $379.99!
-Afterwards, Josh Matthews and Michael Cole note that Daniel Bryan has indeed found a new mentor, and he's backstage with him right now. We go backstage where KUNG FU NAKI is talking to Daniel Bryan, who is wearing a gi and headband like Funaki. The segment ends with Funaki showing Daniel Bryan The Crane pose, and Daniel getting the hang of it.
-JUSTIN GABRIEL VS DARREN YOUNG:
This match goes back and forth with Young starting off strong and Justin playing catchup until he catches a Young rana attempt and hits him with a powerbomb. Gabriel signals for the end but Luke Gallows distracts the referee and CM Punk enters the ring to hit him with a Go 2 Sleep, putting Young over Gabriel before leaving the ring, and after the three count Young looks up all WTF and then heads outside to Punk. The two argue and Gabriel shoves Punk, leading to a breif scuffle that is broken up by officials. 3/4*
Commercial Break
-SHEAMUS VS DAVID OTUNGA:
The ECW champion in a non-title match here, and Otunga absolutely punks out Sheamus, knocking him around with punches and elbows. Then, Otunga checks his watch, says "I got lunch with Courtney Cox!" then hits Sheamus with the super-lazy spinebuster for a pinfall in under 30 seconds. 1/4*
Commercial break
-The Miz is backstage, and he berates Daniel Bryan, saying "he was a loser when he came here, and now he's even more of a loser now that he's with Funaki". He says tonight he's going to prove to all of Daniel Bryan's "ROHbots" (yes, he actually said that on WWE television) that he's just another wannabe.
Commercial break, recap of WrestleMania
-Daniel Bryan comes to the ring first for the main event to "You're The Best Around", and gets on the mic and announces that he is now to be called Bryan Daniel-san, and that Miz is going to realize there is no mercy in this dojo. Micheal Cole, being the biggest dork in the world, doesn't get the reference and says "WHAT dojo?"
-Bryan Daniel-san vs The Miz
The Miz gets little offense in this match as Daniel-san is in control for all 15 minuites of this match, following the advice of Kung Fu Naki the whole time. Eventually, after countering the Skull-Crushing Finale, he's told by Funaki to "Sweep the leg!" and Daniel-san immediately does a Russian Leg Sweep getting the one two three. Miz is COMPLETELY KOED by the legsweep, and now Big Show comes to the ring looking to do some damage to Daniel-san. He goes for the knockout punch, but Daniel-san waxes off, kicks Show in the gut, and hits HIM with the Russian Legsweep, and Show is also laid out. Funaki and Daniel-san crane pose over ShoMiz as NXT ends. **1/4
Overall Show: 61%
High Point: Triple H shills an LCD game 86%
Low Point: Young/Gabriel and Shaemus/Otunga (tie), 51%
Rating: 2.41 (lol)
Attendance: 7538
Ticket sales $301520
-Afterwards, Josh Matthews and Michael Cole note that Daniel Bryan has indeed found a new mentor, and he's backstage with him right now. We go backstage where KUNG FU NAKI is talking to Daniel Bryan, who is wearing a gi and headband like Funaki. The segment ends with Funaki showing Daniel Bryan The Crane pose, and Daniel getting the hang of it.
-JUSTIN GABRIEL VS DARREN YOUNG:
This match goes back and forth with Young starting off strong and Justin playing catchup until he catches a Young rana attempt and hits him with a powerbomb. Gabriel signals for the end but Luke Gallows distracts the referee and CM Punk enters the ring to hit him with a Go 2 Sleep, putting Young over Gabriel before leaving the ring, and after the three count Young looks up all WTF and then heads outside to Punk. The two argue and Gabriel shoves Punk, leading to a breif scuffle that is broken up by officials. 3/4*
Commercial Break
-SHEAMUS VS DAVID OTUNGA:
The ECW champion in a non-title match here, and Otunga absolutely punks out Sheamus, knocking him around with punches and elbows. Then, Otunga checks his watch, says "I got lunch with Courtney Cox!" then hits Sheamus with the super-lazy spinebuster for a pinfall in under 30 seconds. 1/4*
Commercial break
-The Miz is backstage, and he berates Daniel Bryan, saying "he was a loser when he came here, and now he's even more of a loser now that he's with Funaki". He says tonight he's going to prove to all of Daniel Bryan's "ROHbots" (yes, he actually said that on WWE television) that he's just another wannabe.
Commercial break, recap of WrestleMania
-Daniel Bryan comes to the ring first for the main event to "You're The Best Around", and gets on the mic and announces that he is now to be called Bryan Daniel-san, and that Miz is going to realize there is no mercy in this dojo. Micheal Cole, being the biggest dork in the world, doesn't get the reference and says "WHAT dojo?"
-Bryan Daniel-san vs The Miz
The Miz gets little offense in this match as Daniel-san is in control for all 15 minuites of this match, following the advice of Kung Fu Naki the whole time. Eventually, after countering the Skull-Crushing Finale, he's told by Funaki to "Sweep the leg!" and Daniel-san immediately does a Russian Leg Sweep getting the one two three. Miz is COMPLETELY KOED by the legsweep, and now Big Show comes to the ring looking to do some damage to Daniel-san. He goes for the knockout punch, but Daniel-san waxes off, kicks Show in the gut, and hits HIM with the Russian Legsweep, and Show is also laid out. Funaki and Daniel-san crane pose over ShoMiz as NXT ends. **1/4
Overall Show: 61%
High Point: Triple H shills an LCD game 86%
Low Point: Young/Gabriel and Shaemus/Otunga (tie), 51%
Rating: 2.41 (lol)
Attendance: 7538
Ticket sales $301520
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
WWE Raw 3/29/10
WWE Raw 3/29/2010
The event starts with a video package of WWE's top stars, each of them wearing their own T-Shirts. Nothing new with John Cena, but each of them would implore the fans to buy at WWEshop.com, concluding with Undertaker saying, in a straight voice: "BUY MY NEW FULLY POSABLE DOLL! OR YOU WILL REST IN PIECE WITHOUT FOURTEEN JOINTS OF ARTICULATION!"
-The actual show would begin, with the cast of Hot Tub Time Machine coming out to no reaction whatsoever. The three of them would look around, and say "...We don't know the first thing about WWE." Since they had no idea what they were doing, they would hire a consultant for one night only:
"SHANE MCMAHON!"
So the crowd at home was understandably confused when Shawn Micheals came out instead. Shawn would be wearing a black suit and tie, with his hair in a ponytail. He would take the microphone, and everyone waited to hear what Shawn would say as a farewell to his fans:
"Kane, you're fired."
Shawn then dropped the mic and left the ring as we went to commerical, showing tonight's main event.... John Cena vs Mark Henry and MVP?!
-TED DIBIASE VS CODY RHODES
Ted came out to a remix of Ted Sr's theme... any by remix I mean that it sounded like Jake Roberts was halfheartedly singing the "Money Money Money Money Money" chorus. The back and forth battle would feature a sick lariat by DiBiase, and from then DiBiase would mop the floor with Cody, and would start to apply Dream Street.... but Dusty Rhodes would run down the ramp with a chair! Dusty would neck Ted DiBiase with the chair, and Cody would go for the cover, one, two, three. Cole and Lawler would praise Cody Rhodes for his bravery in facing and beating DiBiase despite being mercilessly cheap shotted just 24 hours ago. ***
-Hornswoggle is seen walking backstage, when a hooded figure comes from out of nowhere to ambush him, hitting him with a pipe several times before throwing him through a window. The hooded figure then sees the camera, and runs away full speed.
Commercial Break.
-The Hot Tub Time Machine guys appeared next, in a hot tub with the Bella Twins, who they refer to as "Trish Stratus and her sister Lita" and saying how they were excited to see "John Henry face off against the VIP" in the main event. Before the Bellas can correct them, Daniel Bryan walks in, asking the HTTM crew if they could do him a favor, and let him have "someone, ANYONE" other than The Miz as his mentor. The HTTM guys approve with absolutely no enthusiam, and Bryan walks out. The HTTM guys then fall asleep, much like anyone who was watching this segment did.
SHOMIZ VS CRYME TYME
According to Cole and Lawler, Truth and Morrison were supposed to face ShoMiz, but Cryme Tyme, and I quote "Stole the spot on the card" from Morrison and Truth. Apparently Cryme Tyme has been taking lessons from Carmen Sandiego's gang. The intangible object-stealing babyfaces started strong against Miz but Big Show tagged in and cleaned house, practically beating both Shad and JTG singlehandedly before winning with a Collosal Clutch on Shad. Cryme Tyme would interupt the teams post-match celebration by attacking them when their back is turned, and then, instead of stealing the tag team titles, they stole Miz' shoes. **
-Randy Orton went into the ring, calling out Cody Rhodes. Cody would answer, and the two would brawl, with Orton qucikly gaining the upper hand and hitting an RKO. Then, Dusty Rhodes would rush to the ring, hit some punches and prep the Bionic Elbow, but he would also get RKOed. Then, Jerry Lawler would "be disgusted with Orton's cheap shots" and rush into the ring, clubbing him from behind and hitting him with a piledriver. The babyface trio then beat the holy shazbot out of Orton until the commercial break.
THIS WEEK ON SUPERSTARS: JOHN CENA VS CHRIS JERICHO! CHAMPION VS CHAMPION, NON-TITLE MATCH!
-The Hot Tub Time Machine guys would appear next, waking up dressed in disco clothes. When asking what happened, Santino Marella would come out dressed like Rick Astley, and explain that they ended up going back in time! Santino would then start singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" before the HTTM guys reminded him that Rick Astley wrote that song in 1987. Santino would reply with "70s, 80s, same thing!". The HTTM guys would apparently agree as they sang along with him until mercifully we went to commercial.
-SHEAMUS VS GOLDUST
Once again, Sheamus would get NO OFFENSE WHATSOEVER in this match, Goldust dominating from start to finish, before hitting his Final Cut finisher in less than a minuite to end this squash. Goldust would then get a mic and say "Who's....(pause to feel himself up, deep breath)...Nexxxxxxxxxxt..." and leave the ring. **1/4
Then, the HTTM crew would appear once more, this time with the ECW title. They would congratulate Sheamus for his impressive victory (yes, they said he WON THE MATCH), then awarded him with the, and I am again quoting, "WCW title". Sheamus would raise the belt over his hands as confetti rained down forom the rafters.
-JOHN CENA VS MARK HENRY AND MVP
Mark and MVP would dominate this bout at first, Cena getting token offense and quickly cut off by the other man. MVP hit the Drive By, and Henry hit the World's Strongest Slam, all for a two count. Henry tries another World's Strongest Slam but Cena counters with a DDT. MVP goes for the Drive By but Cena avoids it, hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, then an STF for the submission victory. Then, once again, Cena runs like the wind to the back with no explanation whatsoever as we end the show. **1/4
OVERALL SHOW: 70%
Best Segment: Intro Vignette Featuring Undertaker Shilling His Doll
Worst Segment: HTTM guys and Santino singing
Rating for Raw: 6.44
8046 people in attendance.
$321840 from ticket sales.
The event starts with a video package of WWE's top stars, each of them wearing their own T-Shirts. Nothing new with John Cena, but each of them would implore the fans to buy at WWEshop.com, concluding with Undertaker saying, in a straight voice: "BUY MY NEW FULLY POSABLE DOLL! OR YOU WILL REST IN PIECE WITHOUT FOURTEEN JOINTS OF ARTICULATION!"
-The actual show would begin, with the cast of Hot Tub Time Machine coming out to no reaction whatsoever. The three of them would look around, and say "...We don't know the first thing about WWE." Since they had no idea what they were doing, they would hire a consultant for one night only:
"SHANE MCMAHON!"
So the crowd at home was understandably confused when Shawn Micheals came out instead. Shawn would be wearing a black suit and tie, with his hair in a ponytail. He would take the microphone, and everyone waited to hear what Shawn would say as a farewell to his fans:
"Kane, you're fired."
Shawn then dropped the mic and left the ring as we went to commerical, showing tonight's main event.... John Cena vs Mark Henry and MVP?!
-TED DIBIASE VS CODY RHODES
Ted came out to a remix of Ted Sr's theme... any by remix I mean that it sounded like Jake Roberts was halfheartedly singing the "Money Money Money Money Money" chorus. The back and forth battle would feature a sick lariat by DiBiase, and from then DiBiase would mop the floor with Cody, and would start to apply Dream Street.... but Dusty Rhodes would run down the ramp with a chair! Dusty would neck Ted DiBiase with the chair, and Cody would go for the cover, one, two, three. Cole and Lawler would praise Cody Rhodes for his bravery in facing and beating DiBiase despite being mercilessly cheap shotted just 24 hours ago. ***
-Hornswoggle is seen walking backstage, when a hooded figure comes from out of nowhere to ambush him, hitting him with a pipe several times before throwing him through a window. The hooded figure then sees the camera, and runs away full speed.
Commercial Break.
-The Hot Tub Time Machine guys appeared next, in a hot tub with the Bella Twins, who they refer to as "Trish Stratus and her sister Lita" and saying how they were excited to see "John Henry face off against the VIP" in the main event. Before the Bellas can correct them, Daniel Bryan walks in, asking the HTTM crew if they could do him a favor, and let him have "someone, ANYONE" other than The Miz as his mentor. The HTTM guys approve with absolutely no enthusiam, and Bryan walks out. The HTTM guys then fall asleep, much like anyone who was watching this segment did.
SHOMIZ VS CRYME TYME
According to Cole and Lawler, Truth and Morrison were supposed to face ShoMiz, but Cryme Tyme, and I quote "Stole the spot on the card" from Morrison and Truth. Apparently Cryme Tyme has been taking lessons from Carmen Sandiego's gang. The intangible object-stealing babyfaces started strong against Miz but Big Show tagged in and cleaned house, practically beating both Shad and JTG singlehandedly before winning with a Collosal Clutch on Shad. Cryme Tyme would interupt the teams post-match celebration by attacking them when their back is turned, and then, instead of stealing the tag team titles, they stole Miz' shoes. **
-Randy Orton went into the ring, calling out Cody Rhodes. Cody would answer, and the two would brawl, with Orton qucikly gaining the upper hand and hitting an RKO. Then, Dusty Rhodes would rush to the ring, hit some punches and prep the Bionic Elbow, but he would also get RKOed. Then, Jerry Lawler would "be disgusted with Orton's cheap shots" and rush into the ring, clubbing him from behind and hitting him with a piledriver. The babyface trio then beat the holy shazbot out of Orton until the commercial break.
THIS WEEK ON SUPERSTARS: JOHN CENA VS CHRIS JERICHO! CHAMPION VS CHAMPION, NON-TITLE MATCH!
-The Hot Tub Time Machine guys would appear next, waking up dressed in disco clothes. When asking what happened, Santino Marella would come out dressed like Rick Astley, and explain that they ended up going back in time! Santino would then start singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" before the HTTM guys reminded him that Rick Astley wrote that song in 1987. Santino would reply with "70s, 80s, same thing!". The HTTM guys would apparently agree as they sang along with him until mercifully we went to commercial.
-SHEAMUS VS GOLDUST
Once again, Sheamus would get NO OFFENSE WHATSOEVER in this match, Goldust dominating from start to finish, before hitting his Final Cut finisher in less than a minuite to end this squash. Goldust would then get a mic and say "Who's....(pause to feel himself up, deep breath)...Nexxxxxxxxxxt..." and leave the ring. **1/4
Then, the HTTM crew would appear once more, this time with the ECW title. They would congratulate Sheamus for his impressive victory (yes, they said he WON THE MATCH), then awarded him with the, and I am again quoting, "WCW title". Sheamus would raise the belt over his hands as confetti rained down forom the rafters.
-JOHN CENA VS MARK HENRY AND MVP
Mark and MVP would dominate this bout at first, Cena getting token offense and quickly cut off by the other man. MVP hit the Drive By, and Henry hit the World's Strongest Slam, all for a two count. Henry tries another World's Strongest Slam but Cena counters with a DDT. MVP goes for the Drive By but Cena avoids it, hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, then an STF for the submission victory. Then, once again, Cena runs like the wind to the back with no explanation whatsoever as we end the show. **1/4
OVERALL SHOW: 70%
Best Segment: Intro Vignette Featuring Undertaker Shilling His Doll
Worst Segment: HTTM guys and Santino singing
Rating for Raw: 6.44
8046 people in attendance.
$321840 from ticket sales.
WRESTLEMANIA XXVI- 3/28/2010
Featuring World Famous Rock Band... Spinal Tap!
HAIR VS MASK: CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio
CM Punk gets hit with the 619, but catches Mysterio's West Coast Pop and transitions it into a Go 2 Sleep for the win. CM Punk then rips Mysterio's mask off, then puts Mysterio in front of his family and holds him in place while Luke Gallows hits Mysterio with a chair. ***3/4
Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes vs Ted DiBiase
Cody and Ted double team Orton at first, then Ted starts removing the turnbuckle padding while Cody is working over Orton. Cody hits CrossRhodes, but Ted grabs Cody and throws him into the exposed turnbuckle then rolling him up for the win. Afterwards Ted gets on the mic, telling Cody that every man has his price. Orton then RKOs Cody Rhodes, and raises Ted's arm. **
Sheamus vs Triple H
In a mirror of WM12, Triple H absolutely ahnilated Shaemus, pinning him in 90 seconds with a Pedigree. **3/4
UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE: ShoMiz vs John Morrison and R-Truth.
Morrison and Truth manage to put Big Show on the ropes, then Truth holds Miz while Morrison goes for the flying kick. Miz ducks, and Morrison cracks Killings with the kick instead. Show frees himself to Knockout Punch Morrison while Miz pins Truth. **1/4
HARDCORE MATCH: Bret Hart vs Mr. McMahon
A complete trainwreck of a match, that ends with McMahon putting Bret Hart in a sharpshooter, and the referee calling for the bell without Hart tapping. Fans throw garbage into the ring. 1/4*
MITB MATCH: Christian vs Dolph Ziggler vs Kane vs Jack Swagger vs MVP vs Matt Hardy vs Evan Bourne vs Drew McIntyre vs Mark Henry vs Yoshi Tatsu
Matt and McIntyre battle on the ladder, Drew knocks Matt off but Evan Bourne springboards onto the ladder(!) and knocks Drew off! Christian pushes the ladder down, then goes for the belt, but Kane gets to the top, Chokeslams (well, more like grabs Christian's throat then shoves him) off the ladder and gets the win. 3/4*
WWE Title: John Cena vs Batista
Batista hits two bombs and a spear, but Cena kicks out each time. Batista goes for another bomb, but Cena drop toe holds him into an STF to become the new champ. Cena then grabs the title and, for no apparent reason, runs like the wind to the back. **1/2
NO DQ: Shawn Micheals vs The Undertaker
Taker gets hit with SCM, but nosells it. Micheals gets a nearfall with the backdrop and flying elbow. Taker hits Last Ride, two count, goes for a tombstone but Shawn reverses it, two count. Shawn tunes up the band, but Kane runs down the ramp (with music and pyro) and chokeslams Shawn. Undertaker is all WTF as Kane leaves the ring. A Tombstone later and the deadman is 18-0. Taker offers HBK a handshake, but instead gets a SCM. ***1/4
World Heavyweight Title: Edge vs Chris Jericho
Edge misses a spear, Jericho fails to get the Walls. Jericho hits a Codebreaker for a two count, a Lionsault gets the knees. The two get up and face off, then, Vickie Guerrero jumps the crowd and clubs Jericho with her shoe! DQ! Edge is FURIOUS and spears her. Jericho then gets up like nothing happened and hits him with a Codebreaker. He then holds up the belt while pointing to his head. ***3/4
Overall show rating: 77%
1.60 buy rate
16833 people in attendance
$4000000 from pay-per-view revenue.
$1009980 from ticket sales.
Featuring World Famous Rock Band... Spinal Tap!
HAIR VS MASK: CM Punk vs Rey Mysterio
CM Punk gets hit with the 619, but catches Mysterio's West Coast Pop and transitions it into a Go 2 Sleep for the win. CM Punk then rips Mysterio's mask off, then puts Mysterio in front of his family and holds him in place while Luke Gallows hits Mysterio with a chair. ***3/4
Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes vs Ted DiBiase
Cody and Ted double team Orton at first, then Ted starts removing the turnbuckle padding while Cody is working over Orton. Cody hits CrossRhodes, but Ted grabs Cody and throws him into the exposed turnbuckle then rolling him up for the win. Afterwards Ted gets on the mic, telling Cody that every man has his price. Orton then RKOs Cody Rhodes, and raises Ted's arm. **
Sheamus vs Triple H
In a mirror of WM12, Triple H absolutely ahnilated Shaemus, pinning him in 90 seconds with a Pedigree. **3/4
UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE: ShoMiz vs John Morrison and R-Truth.
Morrison and Truth manage to put Big Show on the ropes, then Truth holds Miz while Morrison goes for the flying kick. Miz ducks, and Morrison cracks Killings with the kick instead. Show frees himself to Knockout Punch Morrison while Miz pins Truth. **1/4
HARDCORE MATCH: Bret Hart vs Mr. McMahon
A complete trainwreck of a match, that ends with McMahon putting Bret Hart in a sharpshooter, and the referee calling for the bell without Hart tapping. Fans throw garbage into the ring. 1/4*
MITB MATCH: Christian vs Dolph Ziggler vs Kane vs Jack Swagger vs MVP vs Matt Hardy vs Evan Bourne vs Drew McIntyre vs Mark Henry vs Yoshi Tatsu
Matt and McIntyre battle on the ladder, Drew knocks Matt off but Evan Bourne springboards onto the ladder(!) and knocks Drew off! Christian pushes the ladder down, then goes for the belt, but Kane gets to the top, Chokeslams (well, more like grabs Christian's throat then shoves him) off the ladder and gets the win. 3/4*
WWE Title: John Cena vs Batista
Batista hits two bombs and a spear, but Cena kicks out each time. Batista goes for another bomb, but Cena drop toe holds him into an STF to become the new champ. Cena then grabs the title and, for no apparent reason, runs like the wind to the back. **1/2
NO DQ: Shawn Micheals vs The Undertaker
Taker gets hit with SCM, but nosells it. Micheals gets a nearfall with the backdrop and flying elbow. Taker hits Last Ride, two count, goes for a tombstone but Shawn reverses it, two count. Shawn tunes up the band, but Kane runs down the ramp (with music and pyro) and chokeslams Shawn. Undertaker is all WTF as Kane leaves the ring. A Tombstone later and the deadman is 18-0. Taker offers HBK a handshake, but instead gets a SCM. ***1/4
World Heavyweight Title: Edge vs Chris Jericho
Edge misses a spear, Jericho fails to get the Walls. Jericho hits a Codebreaker for a two count, a Lionsault gets the knees. The two get up and face off, then, Vickie Guerrero jumps the crowd and clubs Jericho with her shoe! DQ! Edge is FURIOUS and spears her. Jericho then gets up like nothing happened and hits him with a Codebreaker. He then holds up the belt while pointing to his head. ***3/4
Overall show rating: 77%
1.60 buy rate
16833 people in attendance
$4000000 from pay-per-view revenue.
$1009980 from ticket sales.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Introduction
This scenario is inspired by reading the excellent Death of WCW book. If you somehow haven't read this already I strongly reccomend it.
*ahem*
Some say Vince McMahon is the greatest wrestling promoter of all time. Others, like myself, disagree. Is he a great businessman? Absolutely. But in terms of creating a quality product, well... at least he's not the worst of all time in that regard.
...But, what if, one day, Vince McMahon had suddenly become the worst of all time? What if he ended up putting together shows that would be worse than anything that a team of Jim Herd, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo and David McClane could come up with? Could the seemingly invincible empire, the (pun intended) Titan of the industry finally fall? Or will WWE's fanbase continue to watch even as the content reaches new depths?
Only one way to find out what happens when WWE becomes the Worst Wrestling Ever.
This scenario uses EWR 4.2, with the March 2010 update data. Game started at March 1st but no actual booking takes place until March 28th, Wrestlemania. A "Guest Host" worker has been added to WWE's roster, with no ring ability whatsoever and 70 Over/70 Charisma, for realism purposes. I also added another trainer to staff. Other new hirings/firings will not happen until after WM.
Pre-WM, the following injuries have taken place:
Shelton Benjamin (Tricep Strain, 2 Mo)
Heath Slater (Back Injury, 1 Mo)
Due to Shelton's injury, a MITB qualifier was made between Mark Henry and Yoshi Tatsu, which ended in a no contest after Drew McIntyre interfered in their Superstars confrontation. Theodore Long would use his GM position to rule that both of them would go to MITB.
WrestleMania Card (Using Wikipedia as a reference):
1. Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes vs Ted DiBiase
2. Triple H vs Shaemus
3. Tag Title Match: ShoMiz© vs R-Truth and John Morrison
4. Street Fight: Bret Hart vs Vince McMahon
5. MITB Match (10-man battle royal in-game): Christian vs Dolph Ziggler vs Kane vs Jack Swagger vs MVP vs Matt Hardy vs Evan Bourne vs Drew McIntyre vs Mark Henry vs Yoshi Tatsu
6. WWE title: Batista© vs John Cena
7. Street Fight: Undertaker vs Shawn Micheals
8. World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho© vs Edge
*ahem*
Some say Vince McMahon is the greatest wrestling promoter of all time. Others, like myself, disagree. Is he a great businessman? Absolutely. But in terms of creating a quality product, well... at least he's not the worst of all time in that regard.
...But, what if, one day, Vince McMahon had suddenly become the worst of all time? What if he ended up putting together shows that would be worse than anything that a team of Jim Herd, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo and David McClane could come up with? Could the seemingly invincible empire, the (pun intended) Titan of the industry finally fall? Or will WWE's fanbase continue to watch even as the content reaches new depths?
Only one way to find out what happens when WWE becomes the Worst Wrestling Ever.
This scenario uses EWR 4.2, with the March 2010 update data. Game started at March 1st but no actual booking takes place until March 28th, Wrestlemania. A "Guest Host" worker has been added to WWE's roster, with no ring ability whatsoever and 70 Over/70 Charisma, for realism purposes. I also added another trainer to staff. Other new hirings/firings will not happen until after WM.
Pre-WM, the following injuries have taken place:
Shelton Benjamin (Tricep Strain, 2 Mo)
Heath Slater (Back Injury, 1 Mo)
Due to Shelton's injury, a MITB qualifier was made between Mark Henry and Yoshi Tatsu, which ended in a no contest after Drew McIntyre interfered in their Superstars confrontation. Theodore Long would use his GM position to rule that both of them would go to MITB.
WrestleMania Card (Using Wikipedia as a reference):
1. Randy Orton vs Cody Rhodes vs Ted DiBiase
2. Triple H vs Shaemus
3. Tag Title Match: ShoMiz© vs R-Truth and John Morrison
4. Street Fight: Bret Hart vs Vince McMahon
5. MITB Match (10-man battle royal in-game): Christian vs Dolph Ziggler vs Kane vs Jack Swagger vs MVP vs Matt Hardy vs Evan Bourne vs Drew McIntyre vs Mark Henry vs Yoshi Tatsu
6. WWE title: Batista© vs John Cena
7. Street Fight: Undertaker vs Shawn Micheals
8. World Heavyweight Title: Chris Jericho© vs Edge
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)