-EXTREME RULES
Theme Song: "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen
-The show started with a recap of the events leading to War Games, including a montage of Team Flair attacking Bret Hart after bursting out of janitor's closets.
-ECW TITLE, EXTREME RULES: Hornswoggle vs Chavo Guerrero
Before anyone could ask "Where's Tyson Kid, the ECW champion?" Hornswoggle destroyed Chavo and pinned him with a DDT. DUD.
-EXTREME RULES: CM Punk vs Triple H
Early MOTY canidate as Triple H was in rare form and CM Punk was also on his A game. Match ended when Serena broke up a Pedigree attempt. Triple H was about to Pedigree Serena, but Punk superkicked him and hit him with the Shiranui for the three count. ****
-EXTREME RULES: Randy Orton vs Ted DiBiase
Surprisingly good follow-up, the hot crowd helping as this back and forth battle used everything but the kitchen sink (did use the bathroom one though). Orton won after putting Ted on his shoulders and throwing him off into a cutter, which Matt Striker called the "ROTFL", and got the three count. ***3/4
-IC TITLE, TABLES MATCH: The Undertaker vs Drew McIntyre (c)
Not as good as the last two matches as it was pretty much "Im going to put you through this table" "NO! I'm putting YOU through this table". The end came when Undertaker did the rope walk, and mistimed his jump so that he crashed feet first through a table, allowing Drew McIntyre to get the win. **1/4
TAG TEAM TITLES, EXTREME RULES: ShoMiz vs Brian Daniel-san and Kung Fu Naki (c)
Pretty much a repeat of their last match, with Miz and Show occasionally grabbing weapons only to get them crane kicked in the face... they actually fell for this about five or six times. Daniel-san would eventually beat Show with a Russian Leg Sweep to retain the titles. *3/4
-WAR GAMES: Team Hart (Bret Hart, Dusty Rhodes, Jim Duggan, Jerry Lawler, and Bob Backlund) vs Team Flair ( Ric Flair, Jake Roberts, Jimmy Hart, Randy Savage, and Tony Atlas)
Ever wanted to see ten over-the-hill wrestlers trade weak chops for twenty minuites? Then you would LOVE this match, as that's what essentially happened until everyone hit everyone with their trademark spots, until Flair got a Figure Four on Bret Hart, and Vince McMahon would ring the fucking bell to mercifully end this match. 1/4*
-WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, EXTREME RULES: Edge vs Vickie Guerrrero vs Chris Jericho(c)
This would have been somewhat tolerable if Vickie just sat in the corner while Edge and Jericho did their thing, but not only did Vickie get involved, Edge actually had to bump for her! Eventually Edge managed to get her out of the way long enough to spear Jericho, but then Vickie threatened to hit him with her shoe so he speared her too, while at the same time getting hit by the shoe. Vickie landed on top of Jericho, one, two, three. Our new World Heavyweight champion: Vickie Guerrero. 1/2*
-WWE TITLE + CONTRACT VS BANISHMENT LADDER MATCH: Shawn Micheals vs Glen Jacobs(c)
Instead of the dramatic showdown this should have been, Jacobs essentially steamrolled Micheals. Jacobs would go to the ladder and Micheals would barely get up as well, prompting Jacobs to chokeslam (well, chokeshove) Micheals off... and HBK landed awkwardly on his arm in the process. Jacobs would grab the breifcase as the referee threw up the X and carted Shawn off. **3/4
Overall Show: 71%
Best Segment: Hype Intro 93%
Best Match: Punk/Triple H 90%
Worst Match: Hornswoggle/Chavo 46%
We got a 1.68 buy rate for 'Extreme Rules'!
The attendance was 17610 people.
We made $4200000 from pay-per-view revenue.
We made $1056600 from ticket sales.
(Shawn Micheals injured his tricep due to the finish of the ladder match.)
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
4/23/10 Smackdown
4/23/10 Smackdown
-More Extreme Rules hype, including highlights of the drama leading up to War Games, and a montage of Team Flair bursting out of broom closets.
-Vince McMahon then announces that the 4/26 Raw will be in Reno Nevada, and will be featuring Reno's finest, Lt. Dangle, as the guest host.
-Chris Jericho and Vickie Guerrero talk about Extreme Rules, then start to make out. Chris stops to put some breath freshener in Vickie's mouth before continuing.
-After a commercial break, Jimmy Wang Yang is found KO'd backstage
-SKANK WAR GAMES: Serena, Michelle McCool, Alicia Fox, Natalya Neidhart, and Layla vs Mickie James, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly, and Melina
Atrotiously bad and boring match that is saved by Natalya getting a screwdriver and shanking Melina into submission.
No, really. That's what actually happened. *1/4
-JTG vs Josh Martin
Never happened, as Alex Martin ran in right before the bell to beat on JTG. Shad Gaspard would then run in to chase them off, then threaten them with a bone chilling promo...
"GEOGRAPHY... IS EDUCATIONAL!"
N/A on the rating
-Mr X vs Drew McIntyre
Mr X gets NO OFFENSE IN as Drew destroys him and hits Future Shock for the pinfall victory. -*
-Drew McIntyre then declared he would defend his IC title against Undertaker at Extreme Rules in a tables match. All of a sudden, the announce team's table caught on fire, a lightning bolt would hit the spanish announce teams' table, and a flock of pigeons inexplicably flew out from under the ring.
-Triple H and Edge vs CM Punk and Chris Jericho
Very entertaining tag match that ends when Edge is about to spear Jericho but Vickie Guerrero hits him with her SHOE OF DEATH for the DQ. This prompts Stephanie McMahon to enter the ring and catfight with Vickie Guerrero for five minuites straight, while CM Punk throws up an X every time the camera gets him in view. ***1/2
-Santa Monica Sheamus in the back with Gene Okerlund.
Sheamus: "You know something Mean Gene, when there's somethin' strange and it don't look good dude, you don't call the Ghostbusters. You call Santa Monica Sheamus brother. And Glen Jacobs' brother, brother, is the Undertaker. That's why tonight I plan on getting in the ring with Undertaker dude, and it doesn't matter if he has the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man or Slimer with him brother, because WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN SHEAMUS CROSSES THE STREAMS ON YOU!"
-Santa Monica Sheamus vs Undertaker
Surprisingly decent contest ending with Sheamus noselling the tombstone, hitting a big boot, then the leg drop for the pinfall. Then Sheamus flexed the night away as Drew McIntyre attacked Undertaker with a box of potstickers. *1/2
Overall Show: 72%
Highlight: Vince announces that Raw Is Reno 95%
Lowlight: Drew McIntyre vs Mr X 47%
We got a 4.88 rating for 'SmackDown'!
The attendance level was 8039 people.
We made $321560 from ticket sales.
-More Extreme Rules hype, including highlights of the drama leading up to War Games, and a montage of Team Flair bursting out of broom closets.
-Vince McMahon then announces that the 4/26 Raw will be in Reno Nevada, and will be featuring Reno's finest, Lt. Dangle, as the guest host.
-Chris Jericho and Vickie Guerrero talk about Extreme Rules, then start to make out. Chris stops to put some breath freshener in Vickie's mouth before continuing.
-After a commercial break, Jimmy Wang Yang is found KO'd backstage
-SKANK WAR GAMES: Serena, Michelle McCool, Alicia Fox, Natalya Neidhart, and Layla vs Mickie James, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Kelly Kelly, and Melina
Atrotiously bad and boring match that is saved by Natalya getting a screwdriver and shanking Melina into submission.
No, really. That's what actually happened. *1/4
-JTG vs Josh Martin
Never happened, as Alex Martin ran in right before the bell to beat on JTG. Shad Gaspard would then run in to chase them off, then threaten them with a bone chilling promo...
"GEOGRAPHY... IS EDUCATIONAL!"
N/A on the rating
-Mr X vs Drew McIntyre
Mr X gets NO OFFENSE IN as Drew destroys him and hits Future Shock for the pinfall victory. -*
-Drew McIntyre then declared he would defend his IC title against Undertaker at Extreme Rules in a tables match. All of a sudden, the announce team's table caught on fire, a lightning bolt would hit the spanish announce teams' table, and a flock of pigeons inexplicably flew out from under the ring.
-Triple H and Edge vs CM Punk and Chris Jericho
Very entertaining tag match that ends when Edge is about to spear Jericho but Vickie Guerrero hits him with her SHOE OF DEATH for the DQ. This prompts Stephanie McMahon to enter the ring and catfight with Vickie Guerrero for five minuites straight, while CM Punk throws up an X every time the camera gets him in view. ***1/2
-Santa Monica Sheamus in the back with Gene Okerlund.
Sheamus: "You know something Mean Gene, when there's somethin' strange and it don't look good dude, you don't call the Ghostbusters. You call Santa Monica Sheamus brother. And Glen Jacobs' brother, brother, is the Undertaker. That's why tonight I plan on getting in the ring with Undertaker dude, and it doesn't matter if he has the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man or Slimer with him brother, because WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN SHEAMUS CROSSES THE STREAMS ON YOU!"
-Santa Monica Sheamus vs Undertaker
Surprisingly decent contest ending with Sheamus noselling the tombstone, hitting a big boot, then the leg drop for the pinfall. Then Sheamus flexed the night away as Drew McIntyre attacked Undertaker with a box of potstickers. *1/2
Overall Show: 72%
Highlight: Vince announces that Raw Is Reno 95%
Lowlight: Drew McIntyre vs Mr X 47%
We got a 4.88 rating for 'SmackDown'!
The attendance level was 8039 people.
We made $321560 from ticket sales.
Monday, April 19, 2010
4/22/10 Superstars
4/22/10 Superstars
-The show opened again with Extreme Rules hype, including recaps of Glen Jacobs' feud with Shawn Micheals.
-Mark Henry was in the back, dressed in an Armani suit, his hair bleached, earrings, and pink sunglasses.
Henry: "Montel, doll, I know you're upset about me breaking up our little duo, but Metrosexual Chocolate just couldn't stand being with you... I mean, just look at your HAIR! You don't even use head and shoulders. Oh, and that '305' gold chain? So totally tacky. After tonight though, and my manicure of course, WWE is going to get a makeover, sweetheart."
-MVP vs METROSEXUAL CHOCOLATE
Henry came out to a remix of his old "Sexual Chocolate" theme. MVP was in control at first but the strength of Metrosexual Chocolate was overwhelming, and he fell to the "World's Most FABULOUS Slam" for the three count. **
-CHRIS MASTERS and ZACK RYDER vs DOLPH ZIGGLER and EZEKIEL JACKSON
Pretty much a match to give these guys TV time, as before the match got into second gear Glen Jacobs hit the ring and cleaned house. *1/4
-Santa Monica Sheamus was in the back watching Jacobs
Sheamus: "Let me tell you something Mean Gene, to see Glen Jacobs attacking people like that makes my blood boil brother. But after Extreme Rules dude, I'm going to take the title from him brother. Until then I got to worry about that no-good Ruskie Nikolai Volkoff dude. WHATCHA GONNA DO VOLKOFF? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS RUNS OVER YOU?!"
-SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS vs VLADIMIR KOZLOV
Pretty much all Sheamus, who blocked a battering ram with a big boot and followed up with a leg drop for the win. Afterwards he spent the last 30 minuites of the show flexing. *1/4
Overall Show: 71%
Highlight: Extreme Rules hypejob 95%(!)
Lowlight: Sheamus/Kozlov 61%
We got a 2.76 rating for 'WWE Superstars'!
The attendance level was 8026 people.
We made $321040 from ticket sales.
-The show opened again with Extreme Rules hype, including recaps of Glen Jacobs' feud with Shawn Micheals.
-Mark Henry was in the back, dressed in an Armani suit, his hair bleached, earrings, and pink sunglasses.
Henry: "Montel, doll, I know you're upset about me breaking up our little duo, but Metrosexual Chocolate just couldn't stand being with you... I mean, just look at your HAIR! You don't even use head and shoulders. Oh, and that '305' gold chain? So totally tacky. After tonight though, and my manicure of course, WWE is going to get a makeover, sweetheart."
-MVP vs METROSEXUAL CHOCOLATE
Henry came out to a remix of his old "Sexual Chocolate" theme. MVP was in control at first but the strength of Metrosexual Chocolate was overwhelming, and he fell to the "World's Most FABULOUS Slam" for the three count. **
-CHRIS MASTERS and ZACK RYDER vs DOLPH ZIGGLER and EZEKIEL JACKSON
Pretty much a match to give these guys TV time, as before the match got into second gear Glen Jacobs hit the ring and cleaned house. *1/4
-Santa Monica Sheamus was in the back watching Jacobs
Sheamus: "Let me tell you something Mean Gene, to see Glen Jacobs attacking people like that makes my blood boil brother. But after Extreme Rules dude, I'm going to take the title from him brother. Until then I got to worry about that no-good Ruskie Nikolai Volkoff dude. WHATCHA GONNA DO VOLKOFF? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS RUNS OVER YOU?!"
-SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS vs VLADIMIR KOZLOV
Pretty much all Sheamus, who blocked a battering ram with a big boot and followed up with a leg drop for the win. Afterwards he spent the last 30 minuites of the show flexing. *1/4
Overall Show: 71%
Highlight: Extreme Rules hypejob 95%(!)
Lowlight: Sheamus/Kozlov 61%
We got a 2.76 rating for 'WWE Superstars'!
The attendance level was 8026 people.
We made $321040 from ticket sales.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
4/20/10 NXT
4/20/10 NXT
-Instead of a shillfest, Micheal Cole is backstage with Matt Striker going over the Extreme Rules main attractions: Glen Jacobs vs Shawn Micheals in an All-Or-Nothing Ladder Match for a contract and the WWE title, Edge vs Vickie Guerrero vs Chris Jericho in an Extreme Intergender Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight title, and of course, the War Games match, Team Flair vs Team Hitman. Cole then says tonight in a preview of Extreme Rules, there will be an all-rookie War Games match, with the winning team in the four-way last week, The Martin Brothers, as co-captains against "The man with the charisma of a kazoo" Brian Daniel-san and David Otunga. Matt Striker was asked for his thoughts, and he simply shoved Micheal Cole into a locker and put a padlock over it, swallowing the key.
-THE MIZ vs KUNG FU NAKI
Another Extreme Rules preview as ShoMiz is set to rematch for their tag belts. Back and forth battle with Funaki starting out slow but building momentum, until Big Show started walking down the ramp, allowing Miz to hit Skull-Crushing Finale for the three count. *
-WAR GAMES: Team BriTunga (Brian Daniel-san, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Darren Young) vs Team Martin (Alex Martin, Josh Martin, Michael Tarver, Wade Barrett, and Skip Sheffield)
Insane clusterfuck of a match that featured lots of double team moves and attempted finishers, but Brian Daniel-san would get the win for his team by hitting Josh Martin with a Russian Leg Sweep. *1/2
-Ric Flair was watching in the back, and looked to the camera.
"You see that, Bret? WAR GAMES BABY! The craziest most dangerous fight in the business! Now you may have Jimmy Snuka as your fifth man, but it doesn't matter. You have Dusty Rhodes, but- WHOO- he hasn't wrestled in years! You got Jerry Lawler, a never-was from Memphis, and Bob Backlund who lost his second title in eight friggin seconds! But me, Bret? I got more War Games experience than your entire team COMBINED! And I'm leading MY team to prove that once and for all, YOU are not on my level. WHOOO!"
-Santa Monica Sheamus walked into the interview.
"Well let me tell you somethin' Ric Flair, you may be a legend, you may be a 16-time champion, but Flair, there's one thing Santa Monica Sheamus has that you don't brother..."
Flair: "Micheal Jackson skin?"
Sheamus: "NO brother! I'm talkin' the Sheamusamaniacs! You and me Flair, we're gonna prove who the true 80s icon is tonight brother, right here in Austrailia, and you say to be the man you gotta beat the man brother... well, I'm not a man dude, I'm an IMMORTAL! And when I beat the man brother, I'm going to get one step closer to Glen Jacobs! WHATCHA GONNA DO FLAIR!"
Flair slaps Sheamus, who SHEAMUSES UP and points at Flair, who just shakes his head and walks off...
-SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS vs RIC FLAIR
Flair was in control for most of the match, using his dirty tacts to get ahead. When he went for the Figure Four though, Sheamus kicked him off, hit the boot then the leg drop for the win. 1/4*
Overall Show: 64%
Highlight: Flair promo 87%
Lowlight: Sheamus/Flair 57%
Ratings: 2.54
-Instead of a shillfest, Micheal Cole is backstage with Matt Striker going over the Extreme Rules main attractions: Glen Jacobs vs Shawn Micheals in an All-Or-Nothing Ladder Match for a contract and the WWE title, Edge vs Vickie Guerrero vs Chris Jericho in an Extreme Intergender Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight title, and of course, the War Games match, Team Flair vs Team Hitman. Cole then says tonight in a preview of Extreme Rules, there will be an all-rookie War Games match, with the winning team in the four-way last week, The Martin Brothers, as co-captains against "The man with the charisma of a kazoo" Brian Daniel-san and David Otunga. Matt Striker was asked for his thoughts, and he simply shoved Micheal Cole into a locker and put a padlock over it, swallowing the key.
-THE MIZ vs KUNG FU NAKI
Another Extreme Rules preview as ShoMiz is set to rematch for their tag belts. Back and forth battle with Funaki starting out slow but building momentum, until Big Show started walking down the ramp, allowing Miz to hit Skull-Crushing Finale for the three count. *
-WAR GAMES: Team BriTunga (Brian Daniel-san, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Darren Young) vs Team Martin (Alex Martin, Josh Martin, Michael Tarver, Wade Barrett, and Skip Sheffield)
Insane clusterfuck of a match that featured lots of double team moves and attempted finishers, but Brian Daniel-san would get the win for his team by hitting Josh Martin with a Russian Leg Sweep. *1/2
-Ric Flair was watching in the back, and looked to the camera.
"You see that, Bret? WAR GAMES BABY! The craziest most dangerous fight in the business! Now you may have Jimmy Snuka as your fifth man, but it doesn't matter. You have Dusty Rhodes, but- WHOO- he hasn't wrestled in years! You got Jerry Lawler, a never-was from Memphis, and Bob Backlund who lost his second title in eight friggin seconds! But me, Bret? I got more War Games experience than your entire team COMBINED! And I'm leading MY team to prove that once and for all, YOU are not on my level. WHOOO!"
-Santa Monica Sheamus walked into the interview.
"Well let me tell you somethin' Ric Flair, you may be a legend, you may be a 16-time champion, but Flair, there's one thing Santa Monica Sheamus has that you don't brother..."
Flair: "Micheal Jackson skin?"
Sheamus: "NO brother! I'm talkin' the Sheamusamaniacs! You and me Flair, we're gonna prove who the true 80s icon is tonight brother, right here in Austrailia, and you say to be the man you gotta beat the man brother... well, I'm not a man dude, I'm an IMMORTAL! And when I beat the man brother, I'm going to get one step closer to Glen Jacobs! WHATCHA GONNA DO FLAIR!"
Flair slaps Sheamus, who SHEAMUSES UP and points at Flair, who just shakes his head and walks off...
-SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS vs RIC FLAIR
Flair was in control for most of the match, using his dirty tacts to get ahead. When he went for the Figure Four though, Sheamus kicked him off, hit the boot then the leg drop for the win. 1/4*
Overall Show: 64%
Highlight: Flair promo 87%
Lowlight: Sheamus/Flair 57%
Ratings: 2.54
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
4/19/10 RAW IS SNUKA!
4/19/10 Raw
Guest Host: Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
-We open with a montage (MONTAAAAAAAAAAGE) of the top stars of the promotion to hype Extreme Rules, ending with a shot of the War Games cage.
-Santa Monica Sheamus would be in the back with Gene Oaklerlund.
SMS: "Let me tell you somethin' Mean Gene, tonight the Sheamuster has to face off against that no-good stinkin' giant Great Khali, dude. Nobody can slam him, brother, but I know my little Sheamusamaniacs are on my side brother, and when I'm done with Great Khali, dude, I'm going right for the belt. WHATCHA GONNA DO GLEN JACOBS? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SHEAMUSAMANIA RUNS ALL OVER YOU?!
-GREAT KHALI vs SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS
This match was an utter trainwreck, and was ended rather hurriedly when Sheamus booted Khali and then hit the Atomic Leg Drop for a three count. -*
-Then, they announced the arrival of Jimmy Snuka. His music played, and he walked around the ring, doing his handsign with both hands the entire way, before heading backstage.
No, really. That's ALL HE DID.
-WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: MVP and MARK HENRY vs KUNG FU NAKI and BRIAN DANIEL-SAN
By the numbers face vs face tag match... until Mark Henry inexplicably dropped off the apron and walked away, leaving MVP open to a Russian Leg Sweep from Daniel-san. Before Henry could get to the top of the ramp, though, Randy Orton, also with no explanation whatsoever, ran to Henry and gave him an ROFL, before saying: "lol I fite fur justis and all wrasslerkind..." **1/4
-Bret Hart was out next, and declared that the fifth man for his War Games team would be Jimmy Snuka. Ric Flair would rush down the ring while Bret was talking about their war of words, and Hart would get hit with a steel chair, and do a blade job as we went to commercial.
-JOHN CENA vs MR X
Attitude Adjustment, 1 2 3. Cena celebrated for a moment, then yelled "MY TOSTADAS ARE BURNING!" then rushes out to the back. DUD.
-Tyson Kidd is in the ring, and Jimmy Snuka would come out again, hand him the ECW title, and walk out while doing the hand signs. Apparently Tyson Kidd is the new ECW champion.
-Shawn Micheals and Glen Jacobs sign the contract for their All Or Nothing ladder match at Extreme Rules. Shawn signs first, then after Glen does, Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, then 'pins' him. Why, nobody knows, as the upcoming match is a ladder match...
-Goldust is walking backstage starting at 10:20....
-And at 10:55, GOLDUST VS JACK SWAGGER
Short but sweet five minuite match with Goldust starting strong, Jack getting the momentum, but falling victim to the Golden Globes for the three count. Goldust then asks "WHO'S.... (deep breath, self grope)....NEXXXXXXXXXXXXT?" *3/4
SHOW RATING: 64%
Highlight: Contract Signing for Extreme Rules 89%
Lowlight: John Cena vs Mr X 44%
We got a 6.85 rating for 'Raw'!
The attendance level was 8013 people.
We made $320520 from ticket sales.
Guest Host: Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
-We open with a montage (MONTAAAAAAAAAAGE) of the top stars of the promotion to hype Extreme Rules, ending with a shot of the War Games cage.
-Santa Monica Sheamus would be in the back with Gene Oaklerlund.
SMS: "Let me tell you somethin' Mean Gene, tonight the Sheamuster has to face off against that no-good stinkin' giant Great Khali, dude. Nobody can slam him, brother, but I know my little Sheamusamaniacs are on my side brother, and when I'm done with Great Khali, dude, I'm going right for the belt. WHATCHA GONNA DO GLEN JACOBS? WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN SHEAMUSAMANIA RUNS ALL OVER YOU?!
-GREAT KHALI vs SANTA MONICA SHEAMUS
This match was an utter trainwreck, and was ended rather hurriedly when Sheamus booted Khali and then hit the Atomic Leg Drop for a three count. -*
-Then, they announced the arrival of Jimmy Snuka. His music played, and he walked around the ring, doing his handsign with both hands the entire way, before heading backstage.
No, really. That's ALL HE DID.
-WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: MVP and MARK HENRY vs KUNG FU NAKI and BRIAN DANIEL-SAN
By the numbers face vs face tag match... until Mark Henry inexplicably dropped off the apron and walked away, leaving MVP open to a Russian Leg Sweep from Daniel-san. Before Henry could get to the top of the ramp, though, Randy Orton, also with no explanation whatsoever, ran to Henry and gave him an ROFL, before saying: "lol I fite fur justis and all wrasslerkind..." **1/4
-Bret Hart was out next, and declared that the fifth man for his War Games team would be Jimmy Snuka. Ric Flair would rush down the ring while Bret was talking about their war of words, and Hart would get hit with a steel chair, and do a blade job as we went to commercial.
-JOHN CENA vs MR X
Attitude Adjustment, 1 2 3. Cena celebrated for a moment, then yelled "MY TOSTADAS ARE BURNING!" then rushes out to the back. DUD.
-Tyson Kidd is in the ring, and Jimmy Snuka would come out again, hand him the ECW title, and walk out while doing the hand signs. Apparently Tyson Kidd is the new ECW champion.
-Shawn Micheals and Glen Jacobs sign the contract for their All Or Nothing ladder match at Extreme Rules. Shawn signs first, then after Glen does, Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music, then 'pins' him. Why, nobody knows, as the upcoming match is a ladder match...
-Goldust is walking backstage starting at 10:20....
-And at 10:55, GOLDUST VS JACK SWAGGER
Short but sweet five minuite match with Goldust starting strong, Jack getting the momentum, but falling victim to the Golden Globes for the three count. Goldust then asks "WHO'S.... (deep breath, self grope)....NEXXXXXXXXXXXXT?" *3/4
SHOW RATING: 64%
Highlight: Contract Signing for Extreme Rules 89%
Lowlight: John Cena vs Mr X 44%
We got a 6.85 rating for 'Raw'!
The attendance level was 8013 people.
We made $320520 from ticket sales.
4/16/10 Smackdown
4/16/10 Smackdown
-SHILLING TIME! Today's product: A new feel-good comedy by WWE Films: Jericho Eye For The Straight Edge Guy. When CM Punk (played by Cody Rhodes) has body image issues, he decides to get a makeover... from Chris Jericho (played by Edge)! Features music by Fozzy (Played by Spinal Tap)
-Stephanie McMahon is backstage, when Vickie Guerrero rushes in from behind her, tackling her and ripping her clothes off, leaving her in her underwear before trying to strangle her with her shirt. Officials quickly moved to get Vickie Guerrero off her.
-DOLPH ZIGGLER VS REY MYSTERIO
Typical Rey match where Ziggler gets early offense, but gets countered often later on into big moves. Eventually Rey wins with the 619 to a splash. *1/2
-Santa Monica Sheamus is shown at a strip mall in New Mexico.
Sheamus: I'm here in Mexico brother because I know my Sheamusamaniacs love only one thing as much as buying my merchandise and watching me wrestle, dude... and that's SODA, brother! So I'm here dude to promote the grand opening of my new store, brother... SODAMANIA! We got high quality sodas for your kids, plus lots of T-shirts to buy brother! Let's hear from my little Sheamussters. Hey kids, whos your favorite sports entertainer dude?
Kid: Undertaker.
Sheamus: What about me, brother, Santa Monica Sheamus?
Kid: Pbbt, you're just a jobber. And this soda is just marked up cans of Check soda!
Sheamus: No little dude, that's LEG DROP ORIGINAL brother! As you can see, all my Sheamusamaniacs are loving my store, so bring your kids here today!
Sheamus goes into a pose routine as we head into commercial.
-Mr. McMahon would appear after the break, announcing next week's Raw GM: JIMMY SNUKA!
-Then, we had Cryme Time talking to kids again.
JTG: Alright kids, today we're going to teach you about Shakespeare. Sheakespeare was a famous author...
Kid 1: Don't you mean playwright?
JTG: Uh, yeah that... and he wrote lots of plays and poems too.
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
JTG just looks at Shad for a minuite, then turns to the kids.
JTG: His most famous play is "Romeo and Juliet". It's a classic story about love, which ends in a shocking manner. Can anyone guess how it ends?
Kid 2: They both die.
JTG: That's right!
Kid 2: Every main character dies in his tragedies. He's more predictable than WWE's booking.
JTG: (whispers) Kid, you can't break kayfabe we're live...
Kid 2: Well that's what they get for airing this live without a script!
Quick cut to commercial.
-CM PUNK AND LUKE GALLOWS vs TRIPLE H AND RANDY ORTON
A surprisingly top-notch match for TV that goes nearly 20 minuites, with Punk and Gallows using most of the match to double team Trips. However, Orton manages to pick up the win for his team with the ROFL (formerly RKO) and pick up the win. Orton then told Punk "im in ur smakdownz, beatin ur cult members, lol..." ***
-Ezekiel Jackson would be shown backstage laid out in a pool of his own blood.
-UNDERTAKER vs MR X
Mr X amazes the crowd by getting his most offense ever in a WWE ring: Two kicks to the gut. Taker responds with a chokeslam and a tombstone to get the win. After the match Drew McIntyre rushes in and clocks Undertaker with the IC belt. DUD
-McIntyre is not done, though, and gets a table from under the ring, setting it up a few feet from the apron. He grabs Undertaker and slowly drags him to the apron, then hits the Future Shock off the apron through the table. Inexplicably, the fans chant "NXT! NXT! NXT!"
-VLADIMIR KOZLOV vs EDGE
Kozlov is in control most of this match, with Edge getting the occasional hope spot but falling shy of victory thanks to Kozlov's sheer power. Kozlov tries to gorilla press Edge who floats over into a reverse X-factor, then sets up for the spear, but Vickie Guerrero rushes in with a megaphone (supposedly stolen from Jimmy Hart) and yells "EXCUSE ME!" to shock Edge, allowing Kozlov to battering ram him for the three count. *1/4
Overall Show: 72%
Highlight: Snuka announced as guest host 93%
Lowlight: Undertaker vs Mr X 48%
Ratings: 5.19
-SHILLING TIME! Today's product: A new feel-good comedy by WWE Films: Jericho Eye For The Straight Edge Guy. When CM Punk (played by Cody Rhodes) has body image issues, he decides to get a makeover... from Chris Jericho (played by Edge)! Features music by Fozzy (Played by Spinal Tap)
-Stephanie McMahon is backstage, when Vickie Guerrero rushes in from behind her, tackling her and ripping her clothes off, leaving her in her underwear before trying to strangle her with her shirt. Officials quickly moved to get Vickie Guerrero off her.
-DOLPH ZIGGLER VS REY MYSTERIO
Typical Rey match where Ziggler gets early offense, but gets countered often later on into big moves. Eventually Rey wins with the 619 to a splash. *1/2
-Santa Monica Sheamus is shown at a strip mall in New Mexico.
Sheamus: I'm here in Mexico brother because I know my Sheamusamaniacs love only one thing as much as buying my merchandise and watching me wrestle, dude... and that's SODA, brother! So I'm here dude to promote the grand opening of my new store, brother... SODAMANIA! We got high quality sodas for your kids, plus lots of T-shirts to buy brother! Let's hear from my little Sheamussters. Hey kids, whos your favorite sports entertainer dude?
Kid: Undertaker.
Sheamus: What about me, brother, Santa Monica Sheamus?
Kid: Pbbt, you're just a jobber. And this soda is just marked up cans of Check soda!
Sheamus: No little dude, that's LEG DROP ORIGINAL brother! As you can see, all my Sheamusamaniacs are loving my store, so bring your kids here today!
Sheamus goes into a pose routine as we head into commercial.
-Mr. McMahon would appear after the break, announcing next week's Raw GM: JIMMY SNUKA!
-Then, we had Cryme Time talking to kids again.
JTG: Alright kids, today we're going to teach you about Shakespeare. Sheakespeare was a famous author...
Kid 1: Don't you mean playwright?
JTG: Uh, yeah that... and he wrote lots of plays and poems too.
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
JTG just looks at Shad for a minuite, then turns to the kids.
JTG: His most famous play is "Romeo and Juliet". It's a classic story about love, which ends in a shocking manner. Can anyone guess how it ends?
Kid 2: They both die.
JTG: That's right!
Kid 2: Every main character dies in his tragedies. He's more predictable than WWE's booking.
JTG: (whispers) Kid, you can't break kayfabe we're live...
Kid 2: Well that's what they get for airing this live without a script!
Quick cut to commercial.
-CM PUNK AND LUKE GALLOWS vs TRIPLE H AND RANDY ORTON
A surprisingly top-notch match for TV that goes nearly 20 minuites, with Punk and Gallows using most of the match to double team Trips. However, Orton manages to pick up the win for his team with the ROFL (formerly RKO) and pick up the win. Orton then told Punk "im in ur smakdownz, beatin ur cult members, lol..." ***
-Ezekiel Jackson would be shown backstage laid out in a pool of his own blood.
-UNDERTAKER vs MR X
Mr X amazes the crowd by getting his most offense ever in a WWE ring: Two kicks to the gut. Taker responds with a chokeslam and a tombstone to get the win. After the match Drew McIntyre rushes in and clocks Undertaker with the IC belt. DUD
-McIntyre is not done, though, and gets a table from under the ring, setting it up a few feet from the apron. He grabs Undertaker and slowly drags him to the apron, then hits the Future Shock off the apron through the table. Inexplicably, the fans chant "NXT! NXT! NXT!"
-VLADIMIR KOZLOV vs EDGE
Kozlov is in control most of this match, with Edge getting the occasional hope spot but falling shy of victory thanks to Kozlov's sheer power. Kozlov tries to gorilla press Edge who floats over into a reverse X-factor, then sets up for the spear, but Vickie Guerrero rushes in with a megaphone (supposedly stolen from Jimmy Hart) and yells "EXCUSE ME!" to shock Edge, allowing Kozlov to battering ram him for the three count. *1/4
Overall Show: 72%
Highlight: Snuka announced as guest host 93%
Lowlight: Undertaker vs Mr X 48%
Ratings: 5.19
Monday, April 12, 2010
4/15/2010 Superstars
4/15/2010 Superstars
-The show stars with more shilling! Today's merch: R-Truth's 2011 Motivational Phrase Of The Day Calendar! 365 thought-provoking messages.... For example, Jan 12: "What's up?!". Or May 18th: "What's up?!" And who will ever forget November 24th: "What's up?!". Be as creative and exciting as Ron Killings' gimmick today!
-CARLITO vs R-TRUTH
R-Truth gives us some more previews of his calendar before the match begins, and it's a typical back-and-forth battle between these two that ends with Carlito hitting R-Truth with an apple. Not spitting, mind you, he threw it at his head and R-Truth fell down unconsious, and was taken to the back on a stretcher. **1/4
Commercial Break
-BIG SHOW vs MR X
The two locked up for about five minuites. Show shoves him into the ropes, knockout punch, over. -*
-Ted DiBiase would confront Cody Rhodes, and offer him... *closeup* ONE MILLION DOLLARS to injure his father Dusty Rhodes before Extreme Rules so Ted can, and I quote, "Beat the Spread". Cody refuses and Ted starts to attack him, until RANDY ORTON rushes in. Orton yells "LOL SUPRIZE FACE TURN!" and hits him with a cutter, then says "Iz in ur cheep shots, doin mah ROFL". Instead of helping Cody up, he walks away, passing by Vince McMahon and saying "Oh hai I upgraded ur ratingz, kthnxbai."
-Now we go to Monday Night Raw, where Glen Jacobs chokeslammed Sheamus over the ropes landing headfirst. Gene Okerlund is in the ring.
Gene: Ladies and gentlemen as you just saw on Raw Glen Jacobs manhandled Sheamus. I have been told that Sheamus severed a severe concussion and will never again return to the ring. Our thoughts a-
Gene is cut off by the sounds of "Real American" as Sheamus comes out, wearing yellow tights and a yellow "SHEAMUS RULES" T-Shirt, going into the ring and taking a mic.
Sheamus: Let me tell ya somethin' Mean Gene, I admit I took a nasty fall brother, but Santa Monica Sheamus is in fact at one hundred percent dude. And I know Shawn Micheals is going to have his match against Glen Jacobs, brother, but Glen, brother, you better think twice about winning dude, because I'm going to eat my prayers, drink my vitamins and say my milk until April 26th, because if Glen Jacobs wins at Extreme Rules brother, I'm calling him out. WHATCHA GONNA DO GLEN? WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN SHEAMUSAMANIA RUNS ALL OVER YOU?!
-BATISTA VS JIMMY WANG YANG
Glorified squash as Batista gives Jimmy almost zero offense for ten minuites straight before hitting the bomb for the three count. Afterwards Matt Striker, for no apparent reason, runs into the ring and starts laying in to Batista, who gives him a spinebuster and a bomb as well. Then, Batista grabbed a basketball from under the ring and started dribbling it. **
OVERALL SHOW: 72%
Highlight: R-Truth's Calendar 92%
Lowlight: Big Show vs Mr X 48%
We got a 2.67 rating for 'WWE Superstars'!
The attendance level was 8002 people.
We made $320080 from ticket sales.
-The show stars with more shilling! Today's merch: R-Truth's 2011 Motivational Phrase Of The Day Calendar! 365 thought-provoking messages.... For example, Jan 12: "What's up?!". Or May 18th: "What's up?!" And who will ever forget November 24th: "What's up?!". Be as creative and exciting as Ron Killings' gimmick today!
-CARLITO vs R-TRUTH
R-Truth gives us some more previews of his calendar before the match begins, and it's a typical back-and-forth battle between these two that ends with Carlito hitting R-Truth with an apple. Not spitting, mind you, he threw it at his head and R-Truth fell down unconsious, and was taken to the back on a stretcher. **1/4
Commercial Break
-BIG SHOW vs MR X
The two locked up for about five minuites. Show shoves him into the ropes, knockout punch, over. -*
-Ted DiBiase would confront Cody Rhodes, and offer him... *closeup* ONE MILLION DOLLARS to injure his father Dusty Rhodes before Extreme Rules so Ted can, and I quote, "Beat the Spread". Cody refuses and Ted starts to attack him, until RANDY ORTON rushes in. Orton yells "LOL SUPRIZE FACE TURN!" and hits him with a cutter, then says "Iz in ur cheep shots, doin mah ROFL". Instead of helping Cody up, he walks away, passing by Vince McMahon and saying "Oh hai I upgraded ur ratingz, kthnxbai."
-Now we go to Monday Night Raw, where Glen Jacobs chokeslammed Sheamus over the ropes landing headfirst. Gene Okerlund is in the ring.
Gene: Ladies and gentlemen as you just saw on Raw Glen Jacobs manhandled Sheamus. I have been told that Sheamus severed a severe concussion and will never again return to the ring. Our thoughts a-
Gene is cut off by the sounds of "Real American" as Sheamus comes out, wearing yellow tights and a yellow "SHEAMUS RULES" T-Shirt, going into the ring and taking a mic.
Sheamus: Let me tell ya somethin' Mean Gene, I admit I took a nasty fall brother, but Santa Monica Sheamus is in fact at one hundred percent dude. And I know Shawn Micheals is going to have his match against Glen Jacobs, brother, but Glen, brother, you better think twice about winning dude, because I'm going to eat my prayers, drink my vitamins and say my milk until April 26th, because if Glen Jacobs wins at Extreme Rules brother, I'm calling him out. WHATCHA GONNA DO GLEN? WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN SHEAMUSAMANIA RUNS ALL OVER YOU?!
-BATISTA VS JIMMY WANG YANG
Glorified squash as Batista gives Jimmy almost zero offense for ten minuites straight before hitting the bomb for the three count. Afterwards Matt Striker, for no apparent reason, runs into the ring and starts laying in to Batista, who gives him a spinebuster and a bomb as well. Then, Batista grabbed a basketball from under the ring and started dribbling it. **
OVERALL SHOW: 72%
Highlight: R-Truth's Calendar 92%
Lowlight: Big Show vs Mr X 48%
We got a 2.67 rating for 'WWE Superstars'!
The attendance level was 8002 people.
We made $320080 from ticket sales.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
4/13/10 NXT
4/13/10 NXT
-It's shillin' time again! Today's product is John Cena: Totally Gangsta. Showing what a true ghetto boy he is in the only way possible: With home movies of his life in a rural Massachusetts town with an average household income of over $100,000 and almost 99% of the population being white. Because you're not truly a thug if you don't cook hot dogs with your family while wearing that sweater Grandma gave you for your birthday. Special edition features John Cena playing with his pet poodles.
-DARREN YOUNG vs CM PUNK
CM Punk dominated in this five-minuite encounter, finishing off Darren with a Roaring Elbow, a Tiger Suplex followed by his dreaded Delphin Clutch. Micheal Cole calls it a "Dolphin Clutch" but Striker corrects him, and Cole calls Striker a loser. Striker retorts with "At least I didn't get raped by a German reading poetry". To which Cole answers "It wasn't rape!" *3/4
-Ric Flair and Jimmy Hart were backstage gloating about RAW, and how War Games was in the bag. Bret Hart and Dusty Rhodes would then rush to them and the four would start brawling until seperated by the staff (Ironically, Arn Anderson is holding back Flair, but nobody mentions this). Flair then warns Bret "NUMBER FIVE OF TEAM FLAIR IS ALREADY HERE, WHOOOO!"
-BRIAN DANIEL-SAN AND KUNG FU NAKI vs KOFI KINGSTON AND YOSHI TATSU
Excellent and exciting back and forth battle, ending when Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise and gets caught by a Russian Legsweep. ShowMiz try to interfere but are frozen in their tracks at the sight of Daniel-san and Kung Fu Naki doing crane poses. **
-Bret Hart shakes hands with Dusty and tells him they'll talk about their last teammate later. Once Bret is alone, Macho Man Randy Savage bursts out of a broom closet and attacks Bret Hart! Savage turns to the camera, mophead over his bandana, and says "OOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEAH! Macho Man is here to snap into War Games, dig it!"
-MICHEAL TARVAR AND DAVID OTUNGA vs JUSTIN GABRIEL AND HEATH SLATER vs SKIP SHEFFIELD AND WADE BARRETT vs ALEX AND JOSH MARTIN- ELIMINATION RULES
The winning team will get a "Mystery Surprise" next week, so a lot was on the line. Tarver/Otunga is the first elimination after Wade Barrett hits his samoan slam on Tarver. However right after Heath Slater would hit a moonsault on him for the three count, leaving Gabriel/Slater and the Martin Brothers. A high-flying climax would lead to Miz tripping Slater allowing Alex and Josh to hit their double flying elbow drop on Gabriel to take the mystery prize. **
OVERALL SHOW: 69% (SIXTY-NINE, DUUUUDES!)
Highlight: Cena's DVD 90%
Lowlight: Clusterfuck tag team match 65%
We got a 2.63 rating for 'NXT'!
The attendance level was 8037 people.
We made $321480 from ticket sales.
-It's shillin' time again! Today's product is John Cena: Totally Gangsta. Showing what a true ghetto boy he is in the only way possible: With home movies of his life in a rural Massachusetts town with an average household income of over $100,000 and almost 99% of the population being white. Because you're not truly a thug if you don't cook hot dogs with your family while wearing that sweater Grandma gave you for your birthday. Special edition features John Cena playing with his pet poodles.
-DARREN YOUNG vs CM PUNK
CM Punk dominated in this five-minuite encounter, finishing off Darren with a Roaring Elbow, a Tiger Suplex followed by his dreaded Delphin Clutch. Micheal Cole calls it a "Dolphin Clutch" but Striker corrects him, and Cole calls Striker a loser. Striker retorts with "At least I didn't get raped by a German reading poetry". To which Cole answers "It wasn't rape!" *3/4
-Ric Flair and Jimmy Hart were backstage gloating about RAW, and how War Games was in the bag. Bret Hart and Dusty Rhodes would then rush to them and the four would start brawling until seperated by the staff (Ironically, Arn Anderson is holding back Flair, but nobody mentions this). Flair then warns Bret "NUMBER FIVE OF TEAM FLAIR IS ALREADY HERE, WHOOOO!"
-BRIAN DANIEL-SAN AND KUNG FU NAKI vs KOFI KINGSTON AND YOSHI TATSU
Excellent and exciting back and forth battle, ending when Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise and gets caught by a Russian Legsweep. ShowMiz try to interfere but are frozen in their tracks at the sight of Daniel-san and Kung Fu Naki doing crane poses. **
-Bret Hart shakes hands with Dusty and tells him they'll talk about their last teammate later. Once Bret is alone, Macho Man Randy Savage bursts out of a broom closet and attacks Bret Hart! Savage turns to the camera, mophead over his bandana, and says "OOOOOOOOOOH YEEEEEEEAH! Macho Man is here to snap into War Games, dig it!"
-MICHEAL TARVAR AND DAVID OTUNGA vs JUSTIN GABRIEL AND HEATH SLATER vs SKIP SHEFFIELD AND WADE BARRETT vs ALEX AND JOSH MARTIN- ELIMINATION RULES
The winning team will get a "Mystery Surprise" next week, so a lot was on the line. Tarver/Otunga is the first elimination after Wade Barrett hits his samoan slam on Tarver. However right after Heath Slater would hit a moonsault on him for the three count, leaving Gabriel/Slater and the Martin Brothers. A high-flying climax would lead to Miz tripping Slater allowing Alex and Josh to hit their double flying elbow drop on Gabriel to take the mystery prize. **
OVERALL SHOW: 69% (SIXTY-NINE, DUUUUDES!)
Highlight: Cena's DVD 90%
Lowlight: Clusterfuck tag team match 65%
We got a 2.63 rating for 'NXT'!
The attendance level was 8037 people.
We made $321480 from ticket sales.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
4/12/09- RAW IS BACKLUND
4/12/09 RAW
Guest Host: Bob Backlund
-We open with a shot of Bob Backlund, in slacks, a shirt, bowtie and suspenders, entering his office for the evening. On the office is a desk with clacking balls, a drinking bird, and a potato sculpture of Bob holding the WWF title in the air. Bob looks at the desk, then to Eve Torres.
Bob: "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Eve: "This is what you asked for...."
Bob: "NO IT'S NOT!"
Bob picks up the potato sculpture.
Bob: "This was made from Idaho brand potatoes. I CAN TELL! I am an expert on potatoes!"
Eve: "That's a problem?"
Bob: "I HATE IDAHO! THE STATE AND THE POTATOES!"
Bob throws the potato statue at the wall.
Bob: "I WANT ANOTHER ONE! Made from Ore Ida potatoes. THOSE ARE THE BEST POTATOES FOR SCULPTING! Do it, or you're fired!"
Eve: "It took eight hours to make it!"
Bob: "You have forty-three minuites twelve seconds!"
Eve rushes out.
-Meanwhile, Chavo Guerrero is in the back with Randy Orton.
Chavo: Randy, what's wrong?
Orton: I'm... sad. The fans... I don't think... they like me.
Chavo: You know why Orton? Because you're a robot, dude. You need to lighten up. Ever heard of LOLcats?
Orton: ...No.
Chavo: Here look..... (Chavo gets an iPhone and holds it up to Orton)
Orton: These cats... they're so cute.... and these captions...
Pause. Orton smiles.
Orton: ...lol...
-TED DIBIASE VS CHRISTIAN
A solid opening bout that showcased both men for a short time. Christian did the obligatory Failed Killswitch and Ted hit Dream Street, but Cody ran into the ring and jumped on him for the DQ, then continued to beat on him until he was bloody. Meanwhile King and Cole were praising Cody for being a true hero. **1/2
-After the commercial we see Bob Backlund and Santino Marella backstage, dressed in each other's outfit.
"Santino": I'm a reala biga fana ofa yours, Boba Barker! You area the best-
"Bob": Woah woah woah. I'm Bob BACKLUND!
"Santino": That'ts whata I say! Boba Barker! Anyway, I thinka the fansa woulda likea to seea... Rica Flair fighting Jima Duggan, eh pizan?
"Bob": Capital idea! And I'll make the referee someone who will sympathize with Bret Hart... his cousin Jimmy!
"Santino": They'rea related?
"Bob": Well they ARE both named Hart...
"Santino": That isa gooda idea...
-JAKE ROBERTS VS JIM DUGGAN (Special Referee: Jimmy Hart)
Why Jake Roberts was in this match and not Flair is never explained. Pretty much what you would expect from these two, up until Jimmy Hart smacks Duggan with the megaphone allowing Jake to DDT Duggan for the three count. Afterwards Bob Backlund would rush down the ramp to even the odds and clear the ring. 1/4*
-Bob Backlund would then take the mic, and declare the new ECW champion to be Kofi Kingston.
-JOHN CENA VS CHRIS MASTERS
Typical Cena vs Midcarder match with Cena countering a MasterLock attempt with a drop toe hold and the STF for the win. After the match, Cena would flee to the back, yelling "MY CRANBERRY MUFFINS!" *1/2
-SHEAMUS VS GAIL KIM
Bell rings. Gail Kim gets a small package, 1, 2, 3. Afterwards Glen Jacobs rushes down the ramp and chokeslams both Sheamus and Gail. 1/2*
-Glen chokeslams Sheamus over the ropes, SPIKING him on his head. Shawn Micheals comes in through the crowd and Sweet Chin Musics Glen, then gets a mic.
Shawn: "I talked to Vince... and I talked to Undertaker. And you know what? IT'S ON! Extreme Rules, you and me, LADDER MATCH! We'll put a WWE contract and your belt above the ring, and whoever gets them, keeps them. And Glen, whoever loses... never steps foot in a WWE arena again. No farewell speech, no guest host on Raw... you won't even be allowed to bring your family to a show even if you buy tickets. NOTHING!"
-Goldust was walking backstage... in the background Eve was rushing along carrying a potato statue of Bob Backlund...
-GOLDUST VS BATISTA
Glorified squash with Batista only getting token offense before having his head stuffed into Goldust's tights for the Golden Globes and the pinfall. And once again Goldust asked "WHO'S" *deep breath, grope himself* "NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXT!" ***3/4
OVERALL RATING 71%
Highlight: Chavo shows Randy Orton a LOLcat 86%
Lowlight: Robets/Duggan 60%
We got a 6.51 rating for 'Raw'!
The attendance level was 8010 people.
We made $320400 from ticket sales.
Guest Host: Bob Backlund
-We open with a shot of Bob Backlund, in slacks, a shirt, bowtie and suspenders, entering his office for the evening. On the office is a desk with clacking balls, a drinking bird, and a potato sculpture of Bob holding the WWF title in the air. Bob looks at the desk, then to Eve Torres.
Bob: "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
Eve: "This is what you asked for...."
Bob: "NO IT'S NOT!"
Bob picks up the potato sculpture.
Bob: "This was made from Idaho brand potatoes. I CAN TELL! I am an expert on potatoes!"
Eve: "That's a problem?"
Bob: "I HATE IDAHO! THE STATE AND THE POTATOES!"
Bob throws the potato statue at the wall.
Bob: "I WANT ANOTHER ONE! Made from Ore Ida potatoes. THOSE ARE THE BEST POTATOES FOR SCULPTING! Do it, or you're fired!"
Eve: "It took eight hours to make it!"
Bob: "You have forty-three minuites twelve seconds!"
Eve rushes out.
-Meanwhile, Chavo Guerrero is in the back with Randy Orton.
Chavo: Randy, what's wrong?
Orton: I'm... sad. The fans... I don't think... they like me.
Chavo: You know why Orton? Because you're a robot, dude. You need to lighten up. Ever heard of LOLcats?
Orton: ...No.
Chavo: Here look..... (Chavo gets an iPhone and holds it up to Orton)
Orton: These cats... they're so cute.... and these captions...
Pause. Orton smiles.
Orton: ...lol...
-TED DIBIASE VS CHRISTIAN
A solid opening bout that showcased both men for a short time. Christian did the obligatory Failed Killswitch and Ted hit Dream Street, but Cody ran into the ring and jumped on him for the DQ, then continued to beat on him until he was bloody. Meanwhile King and Cole were praising Cody for being a true hero. **1/2
-After the commercial we see Bob Backlund and Santino Marella backstage, dressed in each other's outfit.
"Santino": I'm a reala biga fana ofa yours, Boba Barker! You area the best-
"Bob": Woah woah woah. I'm Bob BACKLUND!
"Santino": That'ts whata I say! Boba Barker! Anyway, I thinka the fansa woulda likea to seea... Rica Flair fighting Jima Duggan, eh pizan?
"Bob": Capital idea! And I'll make the referee someone who will sympathize with Bret Hart... his cousin Jimmy!
"Santino": They'rea related?
"Bob": Well they ARE both named Hart...
"Santino": That isa gooda idea...
-JAKE ROBERTS VS JIM DUGGAN (Special Referee: Jimmy Hart)
Why Jake Roberts was in this match and not Flair is never explained. Pretty much what you would expect from these two, up until Jimmy Hart smacks Duggan with the megaphone allowing Jake to DDT Duggan for the three count. Afterwards Bob Backlund would rush down the ramp to even the odds and clear the ring. 1/4*
-Bob Backlund would then take the mic, and declare the new ECW champion to be Kofi Kingston.
-JOHN CENA VS CHRIS MASTERS
Typical Cena vs Midcarder match with Cena countering a MasterLock attempt with a drop toe hold and the STF for the win. After the match, Cena would flee to the back, yelling "MY CRANBERRY MUFFINS!" *1/2
-SHEAMUS VS GAIL KIM
Bell rings. Gail Kim gets a small package, 1, 2, 3. Afterwards Glen Jacobs rushes down the ramp and chokeslams both Sheamus and Gail. 1/2*
-Glen chokeslams Sheamus over the ropes, SPIKING him on his head. Shawn Micheals comes in through the crowd and Sweet Chin Musics Glen, then gets a mic.
Shawn: "I talked to Vince... and I talked to Undertaker. And you know what? IT'S ON! Extreme Rules, you and me, LADDER MATCH! We'll put a WWE contract and your belt above the ring, and whoever gets them, keeps them. And Glen, whoever loses... never steps foot in a WWE arena again. No farewell speech, no guest host on Raw... you won't even be allowed to bring your family to a show even if you buy tickets. NOTHING!"
-Goldust was walking backstage... in the background Eve was rushing along carrying a potato statue of Bob Backlund...
-GOLDUST VS BATISTA
Glorified squash with Batista only getting token offense before having his head stuffed into Goldust's tights for the Golden Globes and the pinfall. And once again Goldust asked "WHO'S" *deep breath, grope himself* "NEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXT!" ***3/4
OVERALL RATING 71%
Highlight: Chavo shows Randy Orton a LOLcat 86%
Lowlight: Robets/Duggan 60%
We got a 6.51 rating for 'Raw'!
The attendance level was 8010 people.
We made $320400 from ticket sales.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
4/9/2010 Smackdown
4/9/2010 Smackdown
-SHILLING! Is the first order of the eve, as today's merch is another dance video: Shawn Micheals: Strip Dancing FOR JESUS! Shawn Michaels shows you all his moves, to famous Christian Rock bands like- oh who are we kidding, there's no such thing as a famous Christian Rock band...
-R-TRUTH VS JIMMY WANG YANG
Typical 5-minuite spotfest that ends with Glen Jacobs making a run-in and chokeslamming them both. ***3/4
-Mr. McMahon is in the back, and has an announcement. Iron Sheik was not supposed to declare himself a Guest Host for any other guest show, and therefore is no longer allowed at any WWE event. Next week's Raw guest host will be another WWE legend, Bob Backlund.
-EDGE vs MIKE KNOX
Knox was getting token offense in most of this match, until Edge's preparation for a spear was stopped by Vickie Guerrero hitting him with his shoe while the ref was busy looking over Knox. Knox would get the pinfall and leave the ring with the ECW title while Vickie continued to shoesmack Edge. *3/4
-Ric Flair and Jake Roberts were backstage, calling Bret Hart a has-been and saying even with Iron Sheik out of War Games, they still have a plan.
-Cryme Tyme, meanwhile, were talking to kids backstage.
JTG: Okay kids, this time we're going to teach you alegebra.
Kid 1: What's algebra?
JTG: It's like math, but more complicated.
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
JTG: (Looks at Shad like WTF for a second) Now, here's an algebra question for you. If two buses leave their train stations at 8pm while five hundred miles away, with one train going 50 miles per hour with the other train going 75 miles per hour, around what hour will they collide into each other?
Kid 2: Why would they be on the same track?
JTG: Uh...
Kid 2: The Transit Authority would surely alert the trains and make sure a track switch happened preventing the wreck.
JTG: Well....
Kid 3: And if they were public transportation trains, which your question doesn't specify, there would be two different tracks to begin with depending on which direction in the line they were headed.
JTG: ...Class dismissed!
Kid 1: You're not a teacher!
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
Kid 2: What does THAT have to do with anything?!
Commercial break.
-When we come back, Michelle McCool is found knocked out in a pool of blood.
-IC Title Match: MR X vs DREW MCINTYRE (c)
McIntyre toys with Mr X before hitting him with a Future Shock in less than two minuites. -*
-CM PUNK AND LUKE GALLOWS vs HART DYNASTY
The SES members dominate the entire match, and it ends with CM Punk using his new finisher on Tyson Kidd: The Delphin Clutch. **3/4
-Vickie Guerrero is in the back with Chris Jericho, telling him to have good luck in his non-title match tonight. Jericho asks who his opponent is, to which Vickie replys "The Undertaker". Jericho goes white in the face, and Vickie says if Chris wins he'll get to taste some "Latina Heat". Jericho goes WHITER in the face.
-CHRIS JERICHO VS THE UNDERTAKER
Back and forth bout, where Jericho goes to get the title belt to use it on the Deadman, but Stephanie McMahon trips him up to stop it. Jericho gets up and misses a belt swing on Steph, and Taker taps his shoulder... Jericho turns around and gets Tombstoned for the win. Afterwards Vickie Guerrero jumps on Stephanie McMahon and they have another catfight. ***1/4
Overall Show: 74%
Highlight: Jericho/Taker 89%
Lowlight: McIntyre/Mr X 45%
We got a 4.93 rating for 'SmackDown'!
The attendance level was 8022 people.
We made $320880 from ticket sales.
-SHILLING! Is the first order of the eve, as today's merch is another dance video: Shawn Micheals: Strip Dancing FOR JESUS! Shawn Michaels shows you all his moves, to famous Christian Rock bands like- oh who are we kidding, there's no such thing as a famous Christian Rock band...
-R-TRUTH VS JIMMY WANG YANG
Typical 5-minuite spotfest that ends with Glen Jacobs making a run-in and chokeslamming them both. ***3/4
-Mr. McMahon is in the back, and has an announcement. Iron Sheik was not supposed to declare himself a Guest Host for any other guest show, and therefore is no longer allowed at any WWE event. Next week's Raw guest host will be another WWE legend, Bob Backlund.
-EDGE vs MIKE KNOX
Knox was getting token offense in most of this match, until Edge's preparation for a spear was stopped by Vickie Guerrero hitting him with his shoe while the ref was busy looking over Knox. Knox would get the pinfall and leave the ring with the ECW title while Vickie continued to shoesmack Edge. *3/4
-Ric Flair and Jake Roberts were backstage, calling Bret Hart a has-been and saying even with Iron Sheik out of War Games, they still have a plan.
-Cryme Tyme, meanwhile, were talking to kids backstage.
JTG: Okay kids, this time we're going to teach you alegebra.
Kid 1: What's algebra?
JTG: It's like math, but more complicated.
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
JTG: (Looks at Shad like WTF for a second) Now, here's an algebra question for you. If two buses leave their train stations at 8pm while five hundred miles away, with one train going 50 miles per hour with the other train going 75 miles per hour, around what hour will they collide into each other?
Kid 2: Why would they be on the same track?
JTG: Uh...
Kid 2: The Transit Authority would surely alert the trains and make sure a track switch happened preventing the wreck.
JTG: Well....
Kid 3: And if they were public transportation trains, which your question doesn't specify, there would be two different tracks to begin with depending on which direction in the line they were headed.
JTG: ...Class dismissed!
Kid 1: You're not a teacher!
Shad: GEOGRAPHY IS EDUCATIONAL!
Kid 2: What does THAT have to do with anything?!
Commercial break.
-When we come back, Michelle McCool is found knocked out in a pool of blood.
-IC Title Match: MR X vs DREW MCINTYRE (c)
McIntyre toys with Mr X before hitting him with a Future Shock in less than two minuites. -*
-CM PUNK AND LUKE GALLOWS vs HART DYNASTY
The SES members dominate the entire match, and it ends with CM Punk using his new finisher on Tyson Kidd: The Delphin Clutch. **3/4
-Vickie Guerrero is in the back with Chris Jericho, telling him to have good luck in his non-title match tonight. Jericho asks who his opponent is, to which Vickie replys "The Undertaker". Jericho goes white in the face, and Vickie says if Chris wins he'll get to taste some "Latina Heat". Jericho goes WHITER in the face.
-CHRIS JERICHO VS THE UNDERTAKER
Back and forth bout, where Jericho goes to get the title belt to use it on the Deadman, but Stephanie McMahon trips him up to stop it. Jericho gets up and misses a belt swing on Steph, and Taker taps his shoulder... Jericho turns around and gets Tombstoned for the win. Afterwards Vickie Guerrero jumps on Stephanie McMahon and they have another catfight. ***1/4
Overall Show: 74%
Highlight: Jericho/Taker 89%
Lowlight: McIntyre/Mr X 45%
We got a 4.93 rating for 'SmackDown'!
The attendance level was 8022 people.
We made $320880 from ticket sales.
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